Asunder Online [Indefinite HIATUS]

by fidelc123

Original Virtual Reality
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Sexual Content
This fiction is on Indefinite Hiatus, because I feel like the quality is dropping and I need some time to try other ideas and get inspiration.

Follow the story of Jacob as he plays the first ever Virtual Reality Massively Multiplayer Online RPG (VRMMORPG) Asunder Online. This will be a bit slow paced at first, but will pick up later on.

Now with TABLES!


Warning: This series is tagged as Mature because it contains crude language. When the battle scenes start later on, expect some gore too.


Note: This is my first written work. English is not my native language. I have tried to correct myself before submitting, but please point out any mistakes, plot holes and inconsistencies. Your comments are welcome!

Copyright Notice: Asunder Online (and all its chapters) by fidelc123 (on royalroadl.com) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/
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  • 72
  • Pages :
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fidelc123

fidelc123

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 000 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 001 ago
Chapter 002 ago
Chapter 003 ago
Chapter 004 ago
Chapter 005 ago
Chapter 006 ago
Chapter 007 ago
Chapter 008 ago
Chapter 009 ago
Chapter 010 ago
Chapter 011 ago
Chapter 012 ago
Chapter 013 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 014 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 015 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 016 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 017 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 017.001 (Side Story #001) (Proofread) ago
Chapter 018 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 019 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 020 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 021 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 022 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 023 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 024 (Rewrite) (Proofread) ago
Chapter 025 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 026 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 027 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 028 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 029 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 030 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 031 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 032 (Proofread) ago
Chapter 033 + POLL! (Proofread) ago
Chapter 034 ago
Chapter 035 ago
Chapter 036 ago
Chapter 037 ago
Chapter 038 ago
Chapter 039 ago
Chapter 040 ago
Chapter 041 ago
NOTICE of Indefinite HIATUS, Not a chapter ago
Reviews

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Ingro
  • Overall Score

Very interesting with good world building

The story takes its time to build the background for the MC as well as the virtual world that the MC is operating in.

The story is very interesting and well written and makes for a very good read.  The chapter lengths are very good.

There are hits that both VR and RL are going to be important to the story.  I am definitely looking forward to more.

The only reason I'm not giving 5 stars at this point is that while the chapters are very good there are some minor areas that are confusing (presumably due to the lack of a proof reader).

Fandii
  • Overall Score

Interesting story and long chapters. I like it so far. 

JF41C0N
  • Overall Score

Finally a REAL antihero!

Taking aside the training arc (which is pretty much the same as every other VR) and a certain lack of character development (I personally think that taking the character development slow is a great choice the author made, although some people might not like it very much), this fanfiction is just awesome! Primarily because of the plot, which I'm enjoying very much (you'll have to read a LOT of chapters before there's really a plot though), but also because of the MC, the first true antihero I've seen so far on RR (most are too good, or just plain evil). He does the 'right thing', but also doesn't hesitate to kill for his benefit (It's only a game, for god's sake! No need to be so bitchy about NPCs lifes!).

It's a great read, that I recommend to anyone that's into VR stuff.

rosidbeken2
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i like the story until i forgot to give rating to it and just read it until the last chapter IoI

i like the story until i forgot to give rating to it and just read it until the last chapter!!!

-it have a good background story

-it’s really have a great start and have many potential

-the Author give complete Status menu bar that some of other fanfic can’t provide it to the reader are a plus for me

-the MC so Smart and Cool ?

-the MC Groing and become strong each battle and even make a skill while Battled

-the MC do the impossible thing than normal player rarely can do

-Many action, battle that feels real, some intense, some fun, some bring laugh, some so serious, some between life and death.

-I Can Guaranted it not lose with the best rated Fanfic in this site.

 

My hope just for the Author

-Fast chapter release

-Don’t ever lose hope if find a dead end to find a good story idea.

-Ignore flames that Ridicule your story and continue Write like normal until you Finished this Fanfic.  ?

-and maybe add the MC status box every end of the Chapter will make more reader Gratefull with the easiest thing your fanfic provide.

-lastly i saw you make a new Story, i just hope this Fanfic will still continue, even if you make a new one ^^

 

thx for your hard work to create this fanfic ^^

Moridin
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Exceedingly Interesting

The entire concept is somehow refreshing. The style of writing is comfortable to read and pulls you in. The story itself is well planned and the progress from chapter to chapter is not too much without seeming to be slow and stagnant. Grammar is great, very well written. The character development seems slow but is slowly picking up. As it goes further I am sure character rating will become a five star as well.

 

Well done.

ElDani
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  • Character Score

A good and comfortable read

I guess that's the best summary you'll get from me.

 

This story has kept me entertained through all of its 36 chapters so far and I'm looking forward to more of the same adventures in this beautifully crafted fantasy world. There are two small issues I have and they're the reason why I decided to write this feedback instead of sending only my vote.

 

First, the MC/protagonist in this story appears to have no self-control over his feelings and emotions at all. The way he always just barely stops himself from going ballistic really concerned me in the beginning, but by now it is only hilarious anymore. I know this has been part of his character from the very start, because I remember an outburst towards his mother in the first chapter, but it is still a bit strange. Some people may call him an anti-hero for his actions, but to me it feels a lot more like a man who never grew out of his little boy phase, throwing tantrums all the way. Frankly, in all my thirty plus years of life, I have never met a single person with an emotional hair trigger like this and if I had, I would've run the other way for fear of getting in the firing line when he finally snapped.

 

Second, the author's way of writing dialogue feels a bit lazy. The simple format of name: *emotion* "dialogue" works, it is even easy to read, but it could be so much more. One detail the author does not accept substitutes for are the in-game dialogue windows. They're all well crafted, consistent and make me feel like I'm a little bit closer to the game.

 

Compared to the many other stories here on Royal Road, the quality of writing is way above average and both the author and his/her proofreader(s) are to be commended. There's always room for improvement, but it is a lot better than I have come to expect here on this site.

lorenzo86
  • Overall Score

A real pleasure to read

This story is well balanced the begenning is slow but gives you more depts to the MC . As soon as he start VR it get real intersting , has alot of potential . This is defenitly a great read you won't regre reading

wvskull
  • Overall Score

cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha your chapters are long and I love your story! Keep it up bro!

tommygun2024
  • Overall Score

If you're looking for fun, here it is

This story is just all around fun. It is the equivalent of a very well made action movie. You won't be blown away by the uniqueness of the concepts presented  or find your self in tears with emotion but you will find a great story which is consistently fun to read.

Gibster
  • Overall Score

Slowly builds up, worth the read

 This story seemed like a run of the mill vanilla VRMMO when I first started reading it.  I found it annoying and put it down a couple time.  About halfway through there started to be some serious plot development and some character development for the MC.  This story has a very slow start, but it is worth the read.

 

The characters leave something to be desired, but the action and game mechanics make it worth it.  The development of the MC's abilities is exciting and I am looking forward to reading more.