Sacred Brother

by kaoxx287

Fan Fiction Action Adventure Comedy Drama Fantasy Romance Tragedy Martial Arts
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Sexual Content
I couldn't atone for my sins and died without being able to do anything. However, this is not the end of my story.

I was given another chance.

A chance to live a better life in a world of magic with a loving family. But, no matter the world nothing is free.

I will have to pay the price for this second life sooner than I thought.

This is the story of my second life.


[Will contain some mature content.]

(Reincarnation story)
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kaoxx287

kaoxx287

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue 1: Brother ago
Prologue 2: Fight the despair ago
Prologue 3: Truth ago
Chapter 1: Salvation ago
Chapter 2: Bullying ago
Chapter 3: Elementary test ago
Chapter 4: Surprise ago
Chapter 5: Unconscious... Again ago
Chapter 6: Genius? ago
Chapter 7: Training and disillusion ago
Chapter 8: Reality ago
Chapter 9: Fight the love ago
Chapter 10: Sin ago
Interlude: Beginning of a tragedy ago
Interlude: On the move ago
Prologue Volume II: Farewell ago
Chapter 11: Pursuit ago
Chapter 12: Goal ago
Chapter 13: Meeting in the forest ago
Chapter 14: Difference in strength ago
Chapter 15: Choice ago
Chapter 16: Welcome ago
Chapter 17: Judgment ago
Chapter 18: Guilty ago
Chapter 19: Trust ago
Chapter 20: Encounter in the night ago
Chapter 21: Revelation and determination ago
Chapter 22: A world of magic ago
Chapter 23: Mysteries and futur journey ago
Story of a past: Father's choice ago
Story of a past: Father's fight (First Part) ago
Story of a past: Father's fight (Second part) ago
Story of a past: Father's fight (Third part) ago
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR ago
Announcement! ago
Story of a past: Father's fight (Last part) ago
Chapter 24: A path in the darkness ago
Chapter 25: Promise ago
Chapter 26: Across the wilderness ago
Chapter 27: First night ago
Chapter 28: The price of survival ago
Chapter 29: In the palm of my hands ago
Chapter 30: Path of magic (First part) ago
Chapter 31: Path of magic (Second part) ago
Chapter 32: Alone ago
Chapter 33: Beyond the darkness ago
Chapter 34: End of loneliness ago
Chapter 35: One step in the wilderness ago
Chapter 36: Ambush ago
Chapter 37: Memories ago
Chapter 38: True saint mage (First part) ago
Chapter 39: True saint mage (Second part) ago
Reviews

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Daryun
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Hey there! Just your friendly neighbourhood author coming in to your rescue. And by rescue, I of course just mean to help try get you a peace of mind. It seems you need some TLC after reading your latest chapter “Chapter 28 – The Price of Survival”. I love your story and would have given a review much quicker but I had college and I was used to you releasing chapters at a relatively slow place so imagine my surprise when I come back to about 5 chapters to read ? Of course I noticed your Author note at the end of your latest chapter and I feel like I must bring some things to your attention if you wish to continue writing at all on this site. (Please note that I am just a small two-bit hobbyist author, even less successful compared to you on this site so my advice may not mean much, but I will put in the time and effort anyway so you know I care.

 

Well first, you seem rather agitated about “Negative Reviews”. *Sighs* I agree with you, negative reviews suck and seem to come in like a starving pack of dogs. That is because it is much easier to “bash” on someone rather than give constructive criticism. But you must understand that, most negative reviews will be completely subjective. Usually to try and convey to you their displeasure that MC is not OP like the majority of stories on this site. These reviews, although not accurate in the review of your story do still affect your novel’s score. I suggest that you ignore the rating of your story until the book becomes incredibly popular so there are more reviews to possibly balance this out, or you just focus on the reviews that are objective, whether they are negative or positive.

 

In the case of this review, I will state both so you can see the difference, first the Subjective which you should ignore whether positive or not. Then the Objective which you should take to heart, even if the populace of this site is rather cynical and cold.

 

Subjective

I am going to give you a half star for character because... "I just have problems with the main character" Why? (Now this part is really rare, they usually don't explain why they have problems with the main character, but if they do, its subjective or their ratings do not accurately convey what the character rating should be. A half star should be given to absolutely boring and predictable characters where the author has put little to no thought into them. Similar to when an poor author creates a character just to be used by MC's usually to become stronger, then thrown off of the story to be forgotten about.) Anyway... Why do "I just have problems with the main character?" well that's because... "Not my cup of tea"

 

(Yes i'm poking fun at the review that should be below me, but don't take offense, no matter how detailed my review, it is still biased ;) but the difference is, I can admit it and try to review from an objective viewpoint. No point making hard-work of another person suffer just because it did not suit my preferences. Or, vice-versa. Take my "The Fragile Monster Lord" review. You will probably have to dig for it, I can only imagine it got tons of dislikes by FANBOIS. I did enjoy the overall plot, which is why I read so much of it, but I smashed it in my review because of poor grammar and honestly terribly written characters. Just an outlet for that guy's fantasies. But I digress lets keep it to this story. This is what a subjective viewpoint is and should be avoided to a certain extent. For the blokes who write those reviews. Just stop, they are really bad.)

 

These reasons are great and all but they provide no explanation why your story is good or bad, only opinions. Read over them and see what the main theme of what is liked and disliked and then ignore the rest of it. Don’t let their rating go to your head, just take the information and also label it as biased. Compile a database in your head of what your readers’ like and dislike. If you care about getting more people to like your book, then make changes to your plot to allow these themes so that you can attract more readers.

 

Objective

Style: 4.5 Stars – I am enjoying your vibrant and wide vocabulary. Reading your story felt like a nice,cool bath after a long hard day, BECAUSE I can enjoy relatively complex vocabulary knitted together with use of writer’s techniques to bring your Story and World to life. Your use of style to bring life to your characters is done successfully even though most people will disagree, that is just because they do not like your main character. Please note that in the sense of your character, he has acted within personality at all times and is not a robot which just ticks things of a list like most characters on this site. Your accuracy to portray a character that only wanted to live a life of peace with his family is recognised and I agree with your course of action. Through your use of style, I can feel  the character’s soul as he tries to move out and explore the new world he has been thrust into, and his will to survive to get back to his family.

 

Story: 4 Stars – Relatively safe reincarnation story with a lovely caring family that he is born into. Use of prologue was perfect in allowing me to understand what you wish this character to be and also at conveying his life so far which perfectly explains the actions he has taken so far in the story. The kidnapping was a nice twist, if not slightly similar to Mushoku Tensei’s “father is denounced noble and his son goes to work for noble family” kind of vibe that you were going on. This changed quickly anyway as he violently kills his captors and escapes from the cold reality that is currently his life. I can feel the sadness after he made a bond with Amanda after having to kill his first love in this world. I can also sense that you do not intend to go easy in the least for your Main Character which I find slightly humorous after many authors tend to send their Main Characters to “Harem Heaven” to live in paradise. None the less, your story is fine so do not be so upset about people saying it is crap. If I had any complaints, it is that he isin’t back with his family yet but that is just my subjective opinion hehehe *wink wink- nudge nudge* Of course you are the author and get to decide these things so I will trust your judgement on where this story goes, It has gone well so far. I just said that because I love your Mother character lots <3 Okay moving swiftly on.

 

Grammar: 4 Stars – Relatively sound grammar. I notice you slip a bit here and there and a bit more in your latest chapter but I will let you off since you seem to be dispirited because of negative comments. I will talk about this later but I give props to your Proof Reader for doing such a good job as well.

 

Character: 4.5 Stars – Great character development. In the case of all of your characters. They all have a history, all have a personality, nothing feels out of place or tailor made for your Main character to use to improve his growth. There is a few more things you could improve on such as dialogue or fleshing your characters out a bit more. Also try not to use any Japanese jargon if you plan to make this a serious novel. It seriously decreases the impact of your story but I think I should mention this as you seem to be aiming for a serious novel. Quite hypocritical coming from me hehehe.

 

So now we are back to the conclusion. Why did I name my review this? Because I want you to think about what it means to you to write. You don’t do it for money, at least you haven’t asked for donations yet or set up a patreon or have a finished book to sell yet on an eStore. So why do you write? To get showered by praise from your readers? If you want that, abandon this story and just write one with tons of sex in it. Guaranteed by 30th Chapter or so, so long as the character isn’t painfully weak or stupid, it will be in top weekly. But something tells me that isn’t what you want. I think back to your signature is that it says you write to free your characters. You right to create a world filled with life and emotion, not to get satisfaction off idiots on the net that don’t even know anything about a good book. Even me, I am a novice compared to writer’s on this site. Explains why my book is only so-so. But as I told the author of Fragile Monster Lord. I Know What I like to See in My Books and that is Thought and Care. Of course getting positive feedback is great and all, but you won’t get much on this site till you are noticed by people who only read the top novels as in the top weekly’s etc. For now please be satisfied with the praise of those that love reading your stories. Even those that say thank you for just posting a chapter. Be grateful for those as they certainly didn’t have to say that. Ignore all these subjective reviews and just be grateful you have a large following that is willing to read each of your chapters when they come out. You have about 8000 of them so treat them nicely. and they will treat you nicely back. Otherwise, why would you have people like me spending so much time writing reviews like this one?

 

If you wish to talk more to me, just send me a message, I would love to chat with you as your story inspired my story a bit as well.

Rooker
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Defiantly one to read

First and fore most, this story has one of the best intro’s I’ve read on royal road. Some thing that will make you really feel for, and truly bond with the mc.

The general style of writing for this story is nothing to talk about, as the story is fairly linear with some foreshadowing and world building, but little in the way of grabbing you to find out more juicy info for whats to come. This is their first story though and those things come with experience.

From the story stand point, I find this incredibly refreshing to have an mc who is not fully over powered and addresses some topics that are usually glossed over in the reincarnation genre.

### Minor Spoilers ###

The mc actually has trouble learning a whole new language from scratch with no one to help him and magic is HARD for someone who has lived an entire life time adjusting to living without it.

#####

Over all, Defiantly a step in the right direction for a reincarnation story, and for those of you that what op mc’s, this story is defiantly giving out flags for OPness, but will have you read what the grind to get there is like for a change.

The stories grammar is quite fair for a second language, but there are obvious spelling errors that can mostly be picked up with even one proof reader. This does not take anything away from the story, but will make English speaking readers shake their head for a second.

And finally the mc. Wow the author made me feel for the guy in the beginning and  kept me interested in his development . I do feel that the mc’s motivation is being added more and more as an after thought in more recent chapters though. He is still being developed at a good pace and I’m hopeful for what will become of him.

luce
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Absolutely to read. A dark story with no good ending in sight!

FINALLY!

Sorry there but I didn’t come to read things on this site since YEARS and I came back recently discovering more interesting things than I could have hoped for, of course this means your story too. I read it in two busy days and the night in between only to reach the last posted chapter and your last note. I HAD to write something for you, I’d hate it if you dropped this fantastic story, thus I did the impossible and remembered my username and password that was long forgotten just for you ?

 

What do I have to say, I think that your summary of the story, while telling you exactly what happens does not do it justice, I suck at doing summaries too so I can’t suggest anything better thought, only that you could emphasize the internal struggle of your MC.

Aaand THIS is my point! I love your MC, he is not stupid but not a genius he wasn’t and he still isn’t. All his difficulties are real, his language problem at the beginning, the way he ends up caring for just anyone who shows him some care (be it true or acted) due to his utter loneliness. I didn’t expect him to trust completely the elf queen and tell all his story to her, but it’s the way you give him some hope before crushing it again that I particularly like together all that sin thing, “your sin is your own existence” was it? Nice that one. I hope that there’s a way around his recently acquired wounds so that at least he can fight normally, but for that I need your new chapter.

 

I think I saw some errors here and there,some words misspelled, but it doesn’t pain me too much. 

About the style I only think that at time the story seems to slow down, all the words it took for the MC to leave the forest is an example.

 

Alright, I suppose you’re not short on ideas, but one day I would like to see a comparison between him and the other children his age, in fighting ability, magic, knowledge, character… There’s so many things that you could write…. Also his meeting with his parents (if it will ever happen)….  when I think about it I simply can’t predict what will happen next with you, I usually get the hang of the story at some point and things happen in the range of my imagination. With this story I keep a state of:

“something bad’s gonna happen”

then you do nothing

“Now something bad is happening! I’m sure!”

Nothing again

“alright, maybe now?”

Something not really good happen to MC

“haha! Then now nothing will happen!”

And then you screw everything and rip off pieces of his arm probably permanently disfiguring his face. Nice man, you give absolutely nothing for free to him more like everything is overpriced by default, no those all too frequent (on this site) lucky wins.

*thumbs up*

BStew
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One of the better reincarnation stories ive read so far

its a tired cliched story but it's done damn well. the character is different from your usual otaku/casual reader type who understands right away that they can use magic and whatnot. the main character is a very relate-able person who had a hard life, largely do to his own misgivings, who get's a second chance for reasons unknown to him.as such, his ideas of magic are completely in line with the common sense of those that teach him.

What i really like about him is that when he's reincarnated and still a child, he acts like a child. none of the walking/talking/reading at 1 year old crap. he has his memories, but they act as more of a hindrance to him and cause him to become extremely introverted and dependent.

its still early into the story so who knows where it'll go, but the main character, his family, and the few side characters are all really well written and understandable. definitely gonna stick with it as long as it runs.

Shadow Reaver
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This is a pretty damn good story.

This story is quite intriguing, we have a good a steady plot, and good characters who execute their roles well.

I would not like the story to end so quickly, if people are going to hate so be it, but they can get the bird for all I care.

Haters gonna hate, it happens, but don't let it put you down. Keep up the good work, it would be a shame for this story to end so fast.

 

 

heddinks
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one of the best reincarnation FF i've read here

The story is fluid, the starting point or you'd say prologue is really good and not being rushed. I really like the MC, there's hint of being OP, but you should make him learnt the hard way and not the easy one. Hoped that you keep the writing style like this. I noticed a minor grammar mistakes here and there, but they can be ignored as it doesn't affect too much (you might need PR to less the burden doing it yourself). Take your time writing so the quality doesn't drop eventhough you've already advanced planned the story.

xxx
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The best reincarnation story on this website!!!

I love this story. The characters are great and the story is really dark.

Unlike many stories, the part before the reincarnation isn't being rushed. The fights scene are also really good!

In fact, I'm like "Iron dragon": an addict.

 

The grammar isn't perfect but I didn't saw many mistakes. Anyway, this didn't bothered me at all.

I want to see more chapters in the futur!!!

 

joseph
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I love the main character and how he interacts with the world. I hope it continues to be this good.

mazesx
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Totally worth the read

Enjoyed every moment, the twists are really cool, if you keep the quality up it will easily raise to the TOP10!

Please don’t stop writing, really looking forward to the plot development.

uno
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This is a great fiction! I really enjoy the depth behind the MC and his life story. I hope that his future will be filled with some joy at least (and possibly a mutual romantic relationship!). Keep up the great work! I don't care if the chapters are long or short(performance long) but I like the quick updates! Overall a very good fiction