Avalon

First let me begin by saying that it is obvious that the author put some effort into this fantasy and I would like to commend him for it despite my other opinions.  Of course my views are subjective and as such if you enjoy stories that revolve around a character’s road to godhood and dominance at the exclusion of much else then your opinions will obviously differ from mine.

In a world where personal physical power is everything, compelling interpersonal interactions tend to fall by the wayside.  Such is the case with this story; nearly every character in the first 9 chapters is strongly governed by their emotions and as a result their interactions with one another come off as fairly childish and insipid if also violent.  Most of those interactions are founded upon either brute force, startling ignorance or baffling levels of complacency on the part of individuals whose roles by necessity should demand much more from them.

It put me in mind of cavemen or violent children flexing their muscles when they aren’t bashing each other over the head to assert their pecking order.  Of course, when you get down to it, that’s how things truly are in some ways but when you aren’t writing about a bunch of simpletons then you need to adopt a veneer of custom, law and societal order into your story.  And that’s the problem; people can’t openly do the things that the author is having them do in his story without serious quality and immersion issues. 

When you get down to it this is a Wuxia and from my experience with that genre the main goal of the storyteller is to come up with endless power levels, opponents and battles.  Everything else falls to the wayside as the author focuses on producing a character whose only goal in life is to fly though the sky, shatter mountains and beat things up as quickly as possible.  Many people like this sort of story and there are elements to it that I enjoy as well but there has to be something more to a tale than the pursuit of power for powers sake for me.

I could make suggestions but with a story so firmly rooted on the premise of a limitless power grind I cannot imagine that it would be a very productive endeavor.  In my view it is how a character maneuvers within the bounds of their society that makes a story and its characters relatable, memorable and compelling.  If you throw off those bounds then all that you are left with in the end is a power trip that while initially amusing usually ends up as a disappointment.

 This story cannot be described  by anything but GREAT.

Normally I would’nt praise someone this much but I gotta say this is a fine piece of work.The revenge theme in particular is something that any reader can directly connect and feel the protagonists anger.The start was a good one and introduced to us the MC in a sad but absolutely satisfying way.Though I have to admit there were a lot of grammatical mistakes which sometimes made it really hard to understand what the author tried to tell us.

 The third part of the prologue with the daughter’s point of view made me a bit impatient because at that time I was so Hyped up that I could’nt wait for the main story to begin.

This Story was able to succesfully get over the most difficult part which a FF can face which is a goal for the Protagonist.A goal is important exactly because it gives the story a realistic approach.Without that realistic element most readers wont really care about the story.However in this story the reader continually comes back for more and awaits the next chapter with great anticipation.

The Style,Story, and Character have no problem at all.As for the minor problems with grammar ,the author can overcome them by simply getting a proof reader.

This is my review for the 10 chapters so far.

Thanks for the good work and keep it coming

I didn't have the motivation to start this one cause i believed this FF wouldnt be good..

OH GOD how wrong I was. I really like this FF its improving in a perfect speed and the grammar is also good, there are some mistakes but just a few and it doesn't hinder the reading flow.

I hope you will update this FF more often.

the 1 thing in this entire story that I didn't enjoy were how you put so many pov's for different people and I ended getting lost but eventually found my way back

your story is like a forest so full of life and new things but this ends up giving it the ability to get you lost in it and that will dull the experience if you would like to fix it I would build a 'path' but with some branches branching off so you don't just focus on 1 mans life and get to see how others view him the good and the bad

 So many sidestory, with 1whole page POV. You made me nap.  i wasted my time only reading just sidestory.

Loving this story. 

Weak area:

> Too fast power-ups

Immortal stories need slower power ups and mini challenges on the way to keep it interesting long enough.