The Demon Prince: Magic World

by Khanvict

Original Action Adventure Fantasy Romance Harem Martial Arts School Life Slice of Life Supernatural
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Sexual Content
Khan La is misunderstood and feared by his peers and the general population because of his family background.

He is the successor to his clan and one of the greatest prodigy to walk on the face of the planet who strive to become the strongest to protect the ones he cherished.

Khan is summoned with his classmate to a new world filled with magic called Avatha where the humans are in a civil war while under the threat of the demon army invasion nearing.
  • Overall Score
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  • Pages :
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Khanvict

Khanvict

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Lonesome
  • Overall Score

I just couldn’t stop reading, it captivated my limited imagination; I could see the battle scene flash in my mind. The quality of this Prologue was just amazing, nothing else can describe it. This is a fan fiction that has enormous potential and a story that I will keep close tabs on.

 

Toodle doo

Mwhahaha, Liking my own review; how devious.

Sriper
  • Overall Score

I try to review after at least 5 chapters, but I also would like to say that besides being a nice read, people shouldn't start making pressure in the writer. By how Ch0 was written, I could guess it needed more than a day maybe to write, so let him write at his own pace and inspiration instead of our needs asking a daily chapter ;D

***I will surely change this review and score in the future, keep it up!

TriageX
  • Overall Score

 The FF started of really well, the story seems interesting and i like how the main character, though described as kind, is still willing to kill. I want some latter ch's to have some  dialogue  but other than that it was good. I saw in the description of the FF that the main character will be labeled as a demon, you should actually have him become one later in the story, thad be awesome. Goes back to original world as a Demon Boss. LOL

KnightofArtemis
  • Overall Score

The prologue was nicely sized and filled with the beginnings of a great story, and the length of the prologue was perfect. I didn't feel  I was being bombarded with too much information  all at once of the setting and it had a great fluid flow throughout. Hopefully with more chapters to come we'll see this continue and evolve into a great story,  and with that a real review and score based on how both the author and story  continue to develop together.

 

~Knight

 

 

Forbidden conqueror bestfriend
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This review up to chapter 2. subjected to change as more chapters come out

 

I love the story so far. This story is definitely a step up from your last two stories. You've improved at a good rate and I hope it doesn't stop. Please keep this story going I would love to see how the MC will mess up the Fat prince and pretty blonde boy.

 

 This has to be my second favorite story so far! 

Sorry my first is forbidden conqueror!! :D

Kethazer
  • Overall Score

 I've been following the story since day 1, and every chapter keeps getting better and better.

I'm gonna keep reading and supporting. 

Keep it up, your doing good work.

Weed
  • Overall Score

This ff has already the marks of greatness in it if the author continues this way it will be on the top 5 in weeks,hope he will do daily releases and that he releases more that one chapter a day already whit just this one i want to read more about this story 

Dagan
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Desperately needs work.

*Review up to Chapter 5: Slap.

-Potential Spoilers-

 

Style:

I believe the mode of narration in this story is a major flaw.  3rd person narration can work for some, but it ultimately creates a distance between us and your character.  Your narrator also jumps around a lot.  For instance, the story starts in the present tense, but quickly switches to the past tense.  The story then stays mostly in the past tense, with random lines of present tense strewn about.  There is even a line of future tense in the prologue, which is probably a mistake.  Your narrator also shifts who it is following with no warning.  For the most part it follows the MC, but changes to the childhood friend  and even to unnamed enemies for a few lines at a time.

Another problem is your organization. I understand that quick, easy reads are popular, but a large portion of your "paragraphs" are two sentences. The problem is compounded by the fact that you don't organize your paragraphs by any perceivable measure. The paragraph breaks seem arbitrary, as if just to avoid a wall of text. If you need an example look at the first few paragraphs of the prologue. Later on the problem is mitigated a bit by the nature of dialogues.

 

Story:

The story has commonly used elements, which isn't a bad thing.  The problem is that using more of them doesn't necessarily make a better story.  Just to list some that can be found in plenty of stories here; MC inherited some special trait, has unique abilities, has amazing accomplishments at a young age, has a position of power at a young age, is super attractive, busty childhood friend love interest, harem, summoned to another world to be heroes, etc.  Eventually it all becomes trite. 

 

Grammar:

You demonstrate basic use of commas and apostrophes, which I appreciate after some of the stories I've here on RoyalRoad.  However, there are several run-on sentences that need some form of punctuation.  At the same time, there are a couple fragments that are highly noticeable, such as: [... because he was the heir to the clan, but once he became leader.]   You may need to review punctuation rules regarding possession, as within one chapter you use [Khans/Khan's/Khans' and Yunas/Yuna's/Yunas' ] interchangeably.  Occasionally you don't capitalize names, but I only saw this with Khan specifically.  You also make a lot of mistakes with plurals, such as breast instead of breasts or classmate instead of classmates.  Lastly, there are up to several missing words every chapter.  Generally the word can be figured out, but it breaks the flow of reading.

 

Character:

Characters do not have much depth at the moment, but this could change in the future so I gave it a middle-ground score.

 

Overall:

There are plenty of other points to make, but I'm  too lazy to write a long review.  If you're serious about your story I'd highly recommend a proofreader and putting more planning/time into your writing.  As it stands it's looking like a sub-par story.

 

moop
  • Overall Score

cant wait to see what happens and see if she stays with him.

Get NTR
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Review from chapter 10 (Maybe I will update this?)

Contains Spoilers

Overall 4.5/5

Overall a very well done story. The style is pretty good, the story is original, the grammar and spelling is good, and the characters feel “real.”

Style 4.5/5

Even though it isn’t the most amazingly written story it is still good nonetheless. It gets the job done pretty well but some things could use a little more clarification. My only gripe is that it’s a little messy and the chapters seem kinda jumbled but I don’t really care. xD

Story 5/5

It takes the generic “hero being summoned” plot and does something different with it. The story does many things well which is nice. It starts the character off OP and reduces him down to a weakling that in the long run will be even more OP than in the future. (I love these type of developments)

Grammar 4.5/5

A few mistakes here and there but they don’t really take much from the story and are few and far between. Props to the author.

Characters 5/5

One of the best aspects about the story is the characters. The main characters each have an interseting backround and are OP in some way or another. (Which is great)

Each development establishes which characters are allies, enemies, useless side characters, or nuisances that need to be annihlated further down the road. The story very clearly states which characters are trash and who to direct anger at which is nice in some ways. The main character isn’t a complete useless idiot which is great and is very rational and calm. The characters don’t do things out of character and follow their character well. For example, the trash prince acts like trash, nothing special, noting different, and nothing out of character for a character like him. Each character feels real and nobody feels like an empty shell made to push the plot forward, The way characters express emotion and react to events is pretty “realistic” besides the main character who is just cool as ice in any situation.

Should you read this?

I would say yes because even though this isn’t the best stories on RR, it sure as hell has the potential to become something spectacular.

The main problem?

Holy fuck the white guy is named John O’Connor…. > . >

P.S I hope for the annihlation of many characters in the future