Shiv-The Child Of Oberon

by insanesac

Original Adventure Drama Fantasy Martial Arts Romance Virtual Reality Tragedy
Warning This fiction contains mature content
Hey guys! I have stopped updating this page. Instead i am writing a version 2 of the same story at http://royalroadl.com/fiction/6749

Check it out. Once i catch upto the number of cbapters here, i will be deleting the page.

So to all my readers, do check out the new version
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Character Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Total Views :
  • 545,276
  • Average Views :
  • 13,299
  • Followers :
  • 1,211
  • Favorites :
  • 440
  • Ratings :
  • 124
  • Pages :
  • 442
Advertisement
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Report
Advertisement
Author
insanesac

insanesac

Dragon King

Achievements
Advertisement
Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue 1(proofread) ago
Prologue 2(Proofread) ago
Arc 1- Chapter 1: Birthday Bash(proofread) ago
Arc 1- Chapter 2: The Day Everything Began 1(proofread) ago
Arc 1- Chapter 3: The Day Everything Began 2(proofread) ago
Arc 1- Chapter 4: Draklake; Hope Or Despair(proofread) ago
Arc 1- Chapter 5: Training 1(proofread) ago
Arc 1- Chapter 6: Training 2(proofread) ago
Arc 1- Chapter 7: Training 3(proofread) ago
Arc 1- Chapter 8: In Midst of A War(proofread) ago
Arc 1- Chapter 9: First Blood(proofread) ago
Arc 1- Chapter 10: The Battle of Linford(proofread) ago
Arc 1- Chapter 11: Preperations(proofread) ago
Arc 1- Chapter 12: Miscalculation(proofread) ago
Arc 1- Chapter 13: Problems(proofread) ago
Arc 1- Chapter 14: Class Attainment(proofread) ago
Arc 2- Chapter 1: A child's cry(proofread) ago
Arc 2- Chapter 2: Goblin Cave Extermination(proofread) ago
Arc 2- Chapter 3: A broken promise(proofread) ago
Arc 2- Chapter 4: Happenings(proofread) ago
Arc 2- Chapter 5: Non-combat skills(proofread) ago
Arc 2- Chapter 6: A Foundation with Stones(proofread) ago
Map ago
Arc 2- Chapter 7: Jabberwocky(proofread) ago
Arc 2- Chapter 8: A Liar’s Truth(proofread) ago
Arc 2- Chapter 9: Refugees(proofread) ago
Arc 2- Chapter 10: Palace Visit(proofread) ago
Arc 2- Chapter 11: New changes(proofread) ago
Arc 2- Chapter 12: Expansion and Threats(proofread) ago
Arc 3- Chapter 1: The capital and the beast(Proofread) ago
Arc 3- Chapter 2: Winds of Fate(proofread) ago
Arc 3- Chapter 3: Preying the predator 1(proofread) ago
Arc 3- Chapter 4: Preying the predator 2(proofread) ago
Arc 3- Chapter 5: The light that bleeds ago
Arc 3- Chapter 6: I will be with you forever ago
Arc 3- Chapter 7: Meetings 1 ago
Status and explanations ago
Arc 3- Chapter 8: Meetings 2 ago
Here is the link to the new version ago
About the new versionof Shiv ago
Please read ago
Reviews

Leave a review

Cifrel
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

A bit cliche? But does improve as the story goes on.

This is a bit different from the other reviews that seem to praise this fanfic - I'll give it to you it is quite an enjoyable read - but I feel like I've seen lots of similar fanfics already and there isn't much to make this one stand out. 

The style is OK, nothing too outstanding though. A small thing would be that with the dates acting as separator of the sections - I don't really take notice and don't always follow. Maybe try something like e.g. "2 days later..." or just get rid of it all together

As for the story - as I said, there are quite a lot of similar aspects that feel cliche.  Although the background story and reality is quite nice and rather unique, but I don't think it really adds much value to the story - I just get a "yeah OK" kind of feel. The thing I loved about Royal Road was that Weed became "OP" with both his wits and a little luck, and there were times when he tripped and fell but he made the most of it.  However in this the MC becomes OP without much effort. I don't think there is enough of an in depth story the the VR world (some fanfics can get away with it but I think the way the story plays out, your fanfic does need it).

For grammar, there isn't much to say, not much mistakes - but that's only after it being proofread.

As for the characters, well... I don't feel much character. I admit there a bits here and there that does show in their actions, but again I feel I've seen it done before. 

Despite all what I've said earlier, I do feel the problems I've pointed out earlier does improve as it goes on, although it was difficult for me to get up to that point. Maybe you'll agree with some of my opinions here and use as advice. 

Good Luck.

Iwantmyrevenge
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

First I would like to say that I read until  the mc travels to Korea, the story was a bit childish for my likings but many people would find this ff an enjoyable read.                                                                                                                 The style of the story isn't bad  but it's nothing great,I have seen better in other ffs-

 Now the story is a bit mmm predicable? I don't like it that much honestly, the mc since the beginnin,g was lucky with the 24/48 h thing,he became too op too soon without that much of effort, his real life is not hard as you try to describe it, I know that his father died , he was forced to change his name and all but not only he has a caring family he has no financial problem, if he wants something he can just ask his grandfather and poof, done you got it .also the plot isn't that good, I would say a 6/10 nothing special, the only thing that I found really interesting were the strategies, when he was the king and fighting the army I started liking the mc , but after it ended I returned to find him boring, I know that things like that are a one time thing but think about detective Conan , in every episode in the anime Conan showed us his genius, I know that this is not DC but...

also for your story until now I havent found no one who is able to rival shiv, there was this English boy who hate shiv and all but in the end he can't do nothing, you need a good nemesis for shiv , Who people are able to like, take Death Note for example, Kira had L, Kira was the mc but is full of people who preferred L, why? BEACUSE he wasn't a dumb side character like who was out there just to do the steppingstone ... The grammar is good. Well just my thoughts 

 

shadowcerberus
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

it is realy good ff and an original at that i m sure if the writer continues the story it will only climb the ranking ladders.

and i realy like fast paced release  table it is hard to keep it up but as a reader i can only hope writer can keep it up.

there are some grammer mistakes but story clear and easyly understandable.but it doesn t mean it is perfect.

Cym
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Good Job! Keep going!

Great FF sir! I like the style and the story. The first arc was a little too fast with little explanation but after that it slow down to a more realistic pace.

The character is really interesting and I like the way he thinks before doing anything. (Except sometimes his personality is not consistent with the rest of the story).

Thanks a lot for your work! I really want to see this story going to the end! 

BlackMessias
  • Overall Score

who said OP Storys are bad?

 the MC is very OP but that is great! I really like the storyline. As an non english mother speaker I can't really criticis the grammar. I hope there are more release soon.

a7jhay
  • Overall Score

it gets better n better

 true it's a slow start but then it get's better and better. The more you write > the more xp you get > the better your FF will be. the good and bad reviews is adding your xp to make your FF better. gave you 4,5 stars

 

I like how your MC is using his brain to overcome any problem. I also like the way his grandfather letting him solve his own problem when he asks. Well, he is the successor so he has to learn how to annihilate present and future problems.

 

a good reading

kunno83
  • Overall Score

Intriguing story liking it so far

keep it going I like what I am seeing in this story

youngdrgn
  • Overall Score

I like reading your fanfic. The time stopping watch is pretty OP but, I don’t really mind. I loved the strategic elements that you presented in the story, along with the characters. The MC’s grandfather is one of my favorite characters in this story. On a side note, in response to that hater’s comment, I believe that since the grandfather is so wealthy and powerful, it wouldn’t be surprising if he and his family had many enemies. So it would be quite difficult to protect them from any potential threats, while not hindering their current lifestyle. Anyway, I love your fanfic, and would rate it as 4.5 stars. Keep up the good work .

sleeping novelist
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

 MANY COMMENTED ABOUT THE MC TO BE TOO OP,, I THINK IT WASNT THAT BAD..

SOME MENTIONED THE STORY TO BE PREDICTABLE OR CHILDISH..

BUT I THINK IT WASNT TOO SHABBY..

I MEAN, IF I HAVE SOMETHING TO POINT OUT.. ITS YOU..

I MEAN THE PROBLEM LIES WITH YOU WHO SEEMS TO BE TOO ERR,, MEEK??

HOW SHOULD I SAY THIS I DONT THINK YOU ARE CONFIDENT IN YOUR OWN WORK,,

THIS IS JUST A SIMPLE ADVICE THOUGH,, YOU SHOULD TRY TO HAVE SOME FAITH IN YOUR OWN WORK,,

IF YOU YOURSELF QUESTIONS AND DOUBTS YOUR ABILITY,, IT IS FELT AND REFLECTED ON YOUR OWN WORK,, 

TRY YOUR BEST,,!!!!

 

Caladbolg
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

"Murdered Golden Goose..."

Okay, maybe let's start with things i really liked in this story so far. Number one, in-real background story and overall In-Real character you created. Yes, only in-real! I got a nice 'feeling' from seeing MC and how he behaves there given his status and position. It was also quite refreshing to not see him be driven by some boring revenge-plot... But what he is in game, you seem to want to continue describing him in the wame great way, but the total lack of build-up destroys it. I will get into this a bit more later on...

 

Second major thing i loved was time-skip to the past during his training in-game. Given character that he was "playing" there, his own quelities shined well, you also created great battle story won through tactic, not one-man-army power like in most VR's i did read so far. Main plot contained nice small side-stories and we could also see things from perspective of other characters, and how their opinion changed thanks to MC etc. Really good piece of work!

 

But, everything else feels lacking. Very, very lacking. You created a specific character, but i just can't enjoy the way he behaves in game, nor is there any interesting plot with how his skills evolve. This Novel was not called "Child of Oberon", to begin with, and i think that it would be so much better if you did stick with your original idea. I know you wanted to write about amazing and glorious MC in VR game and what he did there, but it all requies actual build-up!!! You can't just shove only "greatness" in the face of reader, without anything else, because he will just choke up with it sooner or later... Especially if you lack proper ideas...

 

The part of being enemies with this whatever-he-was-called creator of the game... I can call it your worst idea and worst production without any doubts. Their meeting in-person in England was ridiculously bad and rushed. You did not explain any background reasons or whatsoever as to why Whatever-he-was-called got so scared, you just wrote about "another amazing moment of our great MC" without ANY proper story around it. Like, i mean, this story has a lot of unused potential, but your bias towards "awesome moments" is killing it, as you dont know how to build-up story properly. Read more books or novels! You will learn it and improve!

 

Duh, following last paragrapg, the whole idea of enemity with Creator of the game being main point of your plot is BORING as heck. It's way too straightforward and forced. You could create so much more complex and awesome scenario for his adventures in-game which are thickly connected with real-life events. So much unused potential! That is the reason why my overall rating is so low. You created golden goose but instead of collecting eggs, you made below-average bulion out of it...

 

To sum it up. I highly suggest re-writing your story from the beggining. As harsh as it may sound, at some point i stopped reading new chapters because i was not interested anymore. You should focus on creating more interesting plot, similarly to in-the-past event in training. Make a lot of connections between events, make every event be a lot more than straightforward walk! Even now i could give you so many easy to find ideas that could improve this story by leaps and bounds!

 

Well, that is my suggestion, what you do is up to you :) Also sorry for my medicore english, as i am not native speaker.