Original Action Adventure Fantasy Sci-fi
Having been put to sleep during a time of great conflict, he was meant to be awaken within a short ten years…but the people that were meant to awaken him never did.

With the Cryo Chamber's malfunction he falls to the ground, unclothed and therefore naked. Not knowledgeable about what has happened, due to his fresh awakening, he sets out into a world that is very much the same but also very different.

[Blurb updated as of 31/05/15]

[Updates will be inconsistent]
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ZzzSleepzz

ZzzSleepzz

~~Sleeping~~

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admira
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Engaging and pleasant to read

As of writing this, I've read 14 chapters. This is my first review so please PM me if I'm doing it wrong. 

Style: 4 ****/*
What really shines for me is the way the narration is handled, namely the POV. It's refreshing to see something written in 3rd person limited that focuses on a single character over 85% of the time. The two chapters that focus on other characters reveal a more about the protagonist, as well as giving insights into how others perceive him. Moreover, I actually have to switch on my brain rather than let the author tell me everything explicitly, which is a trait of good writing. 

Story: 4 ****/*
The story is interesting and original. At the very least, it's not a VRMMO or reincarnation. While those can be original as well, it's nice to see something else. I was hooked from the very first chapter, and ate up the next 13 like miniature chocolate chip cookies (which I was also eating while I read). 

Grammar: 4 ****/*
The grammar is very good when compared to the majority of fics I see on this site (I'm not hating/flaming, just stating a fact). I occasionally notice some incorrect punctuation; it doesn't happen enough to be distracting. I've also noticed that the wrong word is used in some places, probably because of a spell checker or auto-correct. 

Character: 3.5 ***/**
The characters don't feel like cardboard cutouts. However, I don't feel especially attached to any of them yet. The protagonist and a few others have been shown to have flaws, at least. Two things that I approve of are that the protagonist is a man who actually sheds tears and that there's a plausible explanation for his strength other than "because OP is cool."

Room for Improvement:
Not much for me to remark on so far. The blurb could use rewriting, even if it's just fixing the capitalization and grammar. Right now, its quality doesn't reflect the actual writing's quality at all.

nindjak
  • Overall Score

The few published chapters are really interesting and this story really stands out from what we usually see on this website.  What  I like the most is the way the story is narrated : nothing is explained, neither about the MC nor about his environment . The reader must constantly make hypotheses about the character, his past, the world around him or the other characters to try and understand what was before, what happened, what's going on and what will happen. For some reason, this really makes my heart beat faster as I look for answers.
Now the only problem is having the patience to wait for them to come, along with the new chapters !

Review Group - ReGro
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A requested review by ReGro (Review Group)

Hello readers, this is the renamed The Group, now simply called Review Group or ReGro. After taking several requests for reviews, we introduce our first review. Future changes to ReGro include a change in our logo.

 

Our current style of review has changed. For more information on our new style, please visit http://royalroadl.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=81739

 

Members participating in this review include:

  • FrustratedEgo
  • PeliusAnar
  • Argos
  • Necamijat
  • and SnowMelts

And now, your review, which is separated into Review for new Reader and Review for Author as per a new way of giving feedback and reader expectations.

 

Review for new Reader

[spoiler]

The first part of this review is to clarify what the story is about for readers that are confused by the cover and blurb.

Setting; Our main character awakens in a future version of Earth where everything has changed for him, while still being vaguely familiar. He's equipped with a visual assistance program that borders on AI. People speak of his race/people/squad as overpowered monsters that had terrified the old world prior to his stasis. This different world is still suffering from the end of a worldwide war that 'Zulu' had been involved in.

There are moments of humor, mostly for us readers witnessing awkward interactions between the dense feeling main character, a deadpan AI, and the general population who seem to border between awe and confusion at a man straight out of their legends. He holds the key to nearly every problem simply by being who he is, while sharing very little of his background.

Pacing; The story itself moves from one scene to another quickly. It rarely drags in places and there is a constant new plot point being added or finished. At the same time, there's no apparent central drive, so we are, in essence, reading 'the continuing adventures of Zulu.' Readers need to be prepared for an almost-post apocalyptic slice of life story rather than a grand mission.

Readability; The story is written in present tense, and the AI boxes are sometimes too overused. This smooths out in later chapters, so new readers that were shocked by the abrasiveness in the early chapters should see improvement if they stay with it. Some chapters are actually super abrupt flashbacks, and this has confused more than one member of [ReGro] during the reading process.

Frequent issues with commas and other layout mistakes may cause readers to fall out of the story. There's a lot of missing details for the setting itself, or they are things that are very easy to miss. There is clearly a lot of work put into this fiction, but readers need to be able to look past the convention usage errors.

Appeals to: people who enjoy a far flung future where humanity is still recovering and a super soldier that has resurfaced from the old era.

[/spoiler]

 

Review for Author

[spoiler]

The cover doesn't match with the story. There's an odd marking in there that states [Not Human] which causes confusion and may have likely been intended to represent the 'Zulus' point of view, along with a Visual Interface / AI. It most likely doesn’t work. In addition, the opening blurb doesn't tell us much about the story or setting. These two items combined can fail to drawn in new readers.

There were a few moments where the VI / AI came across as too powerful and implausible. The scanning and healing rates were noted as too high, which makes any damage to him a bit messy as a part of the story. This may be part of the 'Zulu genetic warrior vibe' but can also cause issues with tension building. Super soldier without any personal weaknesses aside from

Multiple reviewers have questioned the plot. Most everything happens 'to' the main character with him taking very little active choice — aside from waking up at the start. All in all, the main character himself has become a major issue. An example includes how people feel the need to pick a fight with him despite the sheer awe that emerges when they speak of 'Zulus'.

Boxes for the AI was difficult to read and sometimes overused in locations. One example is the pop-up box from his program which told him he had a gun. It's also important to note that this AI is able to establish an exact time without knowing season, location on the planet, or anything else that we the readers can tell. Essentially, the AI seems to pull information out of nowhere to us readers.

Grammar is, in most places, stable with few errors (tense-wise). The biggest issue, however, is a erroneous use of commas or other punctuation. Here is a direct example:

Example: “Where am I” The man on the ground asks but receives no answers.
Corrected: The man on the ground asks, “Where am I,” but receives no answers.

Only one reviewer has made it through nearly the entirety of the story. Most dropped out early or halfway through. The cited reasons included an overall lack of interest or issues with the main character’s constant reactionary attitude to scenes being thrown at him. Interactions between Ten and the main character have come off as difficult to read.

The setting itself was difficult to understand. It felt like a strange mix between a barbaric era with technology rather than a modern militaristic setting. Whatever signs that were used to clearly define settings were either understated or nonexistent.

There was a specific point of feedback regarding one line which I'll quote here:

“A Katana,” Zag responds, “Is the strongest blade ever forged, well to be more specific a Katana’s design is the best blade designed ever created. Light, strong, sharp and flexible. You can’t ask for a better blade.”

Our reviewers stared at this part for a while...

It should be noted that there were points our readers felt might be foreshadowing — but if this goes on for too long then readers will either forget or stop caring by the time it's revealed.

All in all, most [ReGro] members were split on whether they enjoyed this fiction enough to get past the first few chapters. Of those that did survive past chapter five, only one managed to reach chapter thirty. If we were to suggest touch ups or rewrites, the material above and chapters near five and thirty should be looked at heavily and examinations of what was done right or wrong should be noted.

[/spoiler]

ItsMeParker
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Caught my interest even with only a few chapters out when writing this

First of all I a would like to say that while some fictions can feel gratuitous this one certainly does not. 

 

It is interesting to read from the MC's uninformed perspective as it makes you want to read more to find out what he doesn't know.

 

After reading 6 chapters I have been left with many interesting questions and although there are no answers yet it certainly feels like the story is progressing smoothly and that those questions will be answered all in good time. An important part of any plot. ( and I mean plot not 'plot' for those of you who know your anime memes)

  • Three star style because only 6 chapters in there a not much to go by
  • Four star story due to original and engaging plot
  • Five star grammar because as a solely English speaking reader I didn't notice a single error.
  • Four star character because characters at least appear to have some deph to them

Finaly conaistant updates would be the best improvement for this fiction but it is mentioned in the bkerb that they will be inconsistent so ohwell

Elohim
  • Overall Score

Alert for new readers:
The history of the world, what are the non humans and their characteristics, what exactly was happening when the mc was put to sleep (roughly) are only explained at chapter 12, until then you have to bear the curiosity!

But it still lacks details (ambient/city/place/people).

It kinda made me remember FF7CC (why? because of enhanced soldiers).

But man, it was a nice finding.
The story is interesting. It's original.
It's slow paced, which satisfies my taste.
The characters have their own personalities.
The way that you showed different points of view was really interesting and well done.
The grammar.... I'm no good with it, but there's just a few errors but it's better than many, so let's say it's in the readable list.

DevilAsura
  • Overall Score

Really nice Story ! Please continue ;)

Your story is really great and i will continue to read your story! :)

Umbrawolf
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Really good, another hidden gem of the site

interesting and engaging, a good premise, enjoying it so far. 

gnarlytreeman
  • Overall Score

This is pretty well written.   I would do an advanced review but it would recieve all high marks anyway.