Rubbish Customer service

A note from AndroMephi

This isn't a comedy despite the tone of the chapter title. Enjoy. 

“Wake up.”

Something violently awakened me. It took a while to calm down from that experience. When I did, I became aware of the fact that I wasn’t on my sofa with Branch in my arms. But instead, was inside a white capsule with a window above permitting me to see the outside. The outside wasn’t any better as it was the same plain colour as inside this plastic metal box. I tried moving my head to know my surroundings, but it wouldn’t budge. I felt paralysed. I must be dreaming, I thought. I convinced myself and tried to wake up.

“Stay still.”

A voice interrupted my efforts. I couldn’t see where it was coming from or tell if it was in my head or outside this capsule because my vision was locked in one direction, up.


I tried speaking but nothing came out. Then I remembered I was I couldn’t move.

“I am done here.”

I didn’t understand the context of what she said until the roof of the capsule slowly rose and then slid to the right. Somehow I knew that I could move again. It was like someone who was clutching my whole body in their arms had let go. I stood up from the container and was instantly stunned when I saw an overwhelmingly gorgeous woman staring at me. She had clear brown skin, grey serene eyes, frizzy white hair that looked alive, sharp facial features and the facial expression of someone who has tasted a sour lemon. What’s up with her?

“What are you looking at?”

I snapped out of the daze and replied with flattery to decrease the tension I was feeling.

“Oh err nothing. I was just astonished at how beautiful you are.”

“You are dead.”

She rejected my advance like stepping over rubbish on a street floor. Me? Dead? She had got to be kidding me. I laughed and smoothly said.

“What do you mean? How can I, I am staring and talking to you in my body”

I looked down as I gestured to my body, but was disturbed to find it wasn’t mine at all. I had no hair, nipples, penis or toes. In fact, had no features that classed me as a man or better a human at all. My skin was completely black like the depths of space and I started to panic.

“What is wrong with me? WHAT THE HELL”

*sigh* “Calm down”

Weirdly my mind cleared, and I felt peaceful at the woman’s words. It was strange but I preferred this state to my previous agitated one. I started believing her about my death as this definitely wasn’t my body.I wonder where it is. If I am, dead is this my soul?

You died. After using the power known as reality warping, your brain couldn’t reach the requirements needed to use that much power. So it fried and you died *chuckle*

“Reality warping? What the hell is that? I am one hundred percent sure I have no such-”

“Shut up.”

My mouth snapped closed and I couldn’t speak anymore. Just what the hell is happening. Is she controlling me with her words? Now that I think about it I think she is. What the hell is she? More importantly what the hell is going on?
“For fuck’s sake, you have wasted my time. You are going to be reincarnated into a new world. Where you’ll need to grow stronger if you want to survive.”


Shit, I can’t speak. What the hell. Reincarnation is a thing. A new world? What did she mean by that last bit? I need to become stronger to survive. What is out there... Fuck me. The beautiful woman whose name I didn’t catch walked over to a set of buttons and pressed one of them after that she left through one of the doors saying.

“Good luck”

My body felt lighter as I started dematerialising. An emotionless voice came blaring out of somewhere.

“You are being reincarnated from Purgatory section F-093 Enlightenment and Reincarnation department. Your memories of your past life will be denied access to you. This will reduce the trauma you will feel starting out your new life. Be assured as they will be slowly given back to you. You are- #ERROR# ANOMALY DETECTED #ERROR#.”

Suddenly my body- this body started to feel pain. It increased rapidly, I felt like every cell within me was burning. It was so intense I couldn’t hold onto my consciousness anymore. So my body decided to shut down.
When I awoke I found myself lying down on wet soil. It turned out I was in a dense forest. The trees directly above me looked like a chainsaw had ripped them apart. Additionally, I felt a massive amount of pain as if all my bones had cracked. I couldn’t move as each twitch of muscle added towards torment. That's when something bizarre appeared in my sight.

Your Health is decreasing.

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