Original ONGOING Action Adventure Contemporary Fantasy Male Lead Martial Arts Multiple Lead Characters School Life Strategy Strong Lead

Volume I is now available on Amazon!

 

A mysterious entity decides to bestow certain individuals with a powerful tattoo. With it, anything becomes possible. The world is changing... and it has yet to be determined if it is for better or worse.

Two friends who grew up together, Ace and Vincent, decide to use the tattoo to do what they always dreamed of.

 

DISCLAIMER: As each volume finishes on RRL, it will be removed and uploaded to the Amazon Kindle Unlimited Program. Thank you for your understanding.

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EverShadow
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Has potential, but needs a lot of work

Style: The style could use a lot of work. The author often glosses over large portions of time with a sentence, and while this is fine to advance the story concerning the main characters, things should be going on world wide during that time. The diolouge could also use some major work. Pretty much any conversation not between the two main characters and even some between them are extremely cheesy. Surprise and tension is created and blown out of proportion in a short time and then resolved a sentence later. It's annoying.

Story: Quite an original idea for the most part. Sure, LitRPG has some common threads, but I like the twist of tatoos and I'm interested to see where it goes. It isn't too predictable, at least so far.

Grammar: Very good grammar, but there are times where the author uses exclaimation points excessively and/or with question marks which is bothersome.

Character: There isn't a lot of character development outside of the main characters, and the main characters could use some work. They both fall into some classic roles, Ace being a musclehead who has a girlfriend he wants to protect by getting stronger while also saving everyone he can (and constantly agonizing about those he can't save), and Vincet a smarter person who becomes addicted to the rush of battle and is also developing some psycopath tendencies. Even though they fall into that, the author doesn't execute it very well in my opinion. Generally the author shows why they developed those traits, but in this story it's just said as a fact and no explaination is given.

Plot Holes: There are a few things that don't make sense to me that the author doesn't explain. There are several, but here are the main ones:

1. There is no reason for why Ace and Vincet should be the most powerful people. Sure, they worked hard, but at the end of the day they're just students. There should be military and other people out there who have the means to go way further than they did.

2. What happens during the time skips. There are a ton of time skips throughout the story, and while there is a small explaination for what happens to the main characters during them, the author seems to assume the rest of the world stands still.

3. Why they don't get a ton of cheaper, smaller abilities. The author says some abilities are incompatible, but they have several million points and there are an abundance of powers they could buy that would probably fit in just fine. It would give them a lot of power at relatively little cost.

 

Overall: It's a great premise, but some work could be put into making sure the story flows well, makes sense, and doesn't get too cheesy. I probably should have given it a bit lower rating, but despite the many mistakes, it's an entertaining story. 

 

Edit: While it still isn't perfect, the author is improving a lot as the story goes on. It's cool to see.

Moist Nugget
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Before I give my review I'd like to make one thing clear: I ENJOY reading this story. It's because I enjoy reading it that I feel I need to critique it. It has the potential to be 100% better than it is right now

 

Style:1.5

The style of this story is practically unreadable. It's almost always a statement followed up by an action/response with little to no details (and MANY, many time skips). 

Here's an example: Vince sighed and asked aloud "why did we run out of chocolate ice cream so soon", Ace was embarrassed while thinking of a repsonse. 

Do you see how I'm TELLING you what's happening instead of showing? 

And here is another example, except here I'll SHOW by adding details instead of just saying what's happening:

Vince stared at an empty container of chocolate ice cream in shock, while calling out to Ace "How did this happen!? I bought this earlier today!", Ace looked at Vince, avoiding his eyes, thoughts scrambling thinking of a response to hide his embarrassment.

It might not seem like much, but when the whole story is like the first example, it makes it hard to read. I could just skip to the end and not miss out on anything important.

Story: 3

It should be 2.5, but I like the theme and basis of the story, so I upped my scoring. There's no plot to this. Don't expect plot when you read this story. I want to say that how the story progresses is a logical step up from what was previously done before, but the time skips and sudden drop in point counts and costs makes that hard. 

The Author based this story on a system that has tasks and challenges that award points, while also allowing you to kill people to gain points as well. These points can be used to buy almost anything. 

We see it in the beginning. Task A gives you X amount of points and so on. This doesn't hold true for the later parts of the story. 

We are 'told' that they're fighting monster, doing quests and gaining points, but we don't get the details anymore. Suddenly we don't know how many points task A gives you. We don't know the X (the point reward) so the author just skips ahead, ignoring most of the 'grind' or anything he considers 'not important' while moving on to say "they did this, this and that. So they have 200,000 points" without even BOTHERING to explain why those tasks/monsters give the amount of points they do.

Grammar:4.5

The grammar is practically flawless. Apart from a couple mistakes here and there, you don't really see anything wrong.

Characters: 0.5

If there was a way to just put a huge 0 as a rating, I would do so here. This story does not have real characters, the only people that come close to characters are the MC's and the girl that one of the MC' is dating, and even then they're just basic archetypes of what you would usually see in a Japanese LN. All other "characters" in the story should be considered as less than archetypes/stereotypes and more like cardboard cutouts that didn't come out quite right.

Here are the MC's and GF:

Ace: Always trying to get stronger, meathead, knight in shining armor, protector of humanity

Vince: Rush seeker, doesn't care about anybody other than MC, wouldn't give two shits if anybody died, purposefully allows himself to get hurt for the rush

Mc's GF: I want to help humanity, think about the kids in africa, has snobby rich parents

These are the literal MAIN CHARACTERS. That's pretty much everything we've learned about the main characters. I'm being quite serious here, 49 chapters in and this is EVERYTHING we know about them.

In ch.47 we got to the point where I thought the Author just couldn't care less about putting in some effort into the characters. In ch.47, we are introduced to the worst stereotype/archetypes I've read since I last glanced at a Chinese LN, the GF's parents. 

Here are the GF's parents:

They go to the MC's city, find their daughter and her house, tell her to change out of her 'peasant clothes', after she confronts them their response consists of "why do you want to help those poor people in 3rd world nations? They're peasants and they're beneath you". After they respond with that gem, the MC walks into the house (which is his as well), is told by the father to get out while simultaneously being called a stupid peasant and is promptly shot by the butler not less than 30 seconds later. After the butler shoots him, the city guards show up, immediately grabbing the butler and during this moment the Dad says "Stop! He's under my protection" and I shit you not, tries to bribe the guard with a fat stack of cash. Once they find out that the MC is the ruler of the city they suddenly start kissing ass. 

I don't have much to say about the dungeon master, because while every other 'character' is sometype of archetype/stereotype the dungeon master is not. The dungeon master doesn't even deserve to be called a character, or a stereotype. He's based on the 'I was in jail and now I have power' archetype, but he's barely even that. 

He's a 3 sentence type of guy who only mentions that "they'll pay"

"you did this to yourselves for messing with me"

and my favorite "this is because you locked me away for 30 years" as his reasons for killing millions and trying to destroy nations.

 

Now for the support. I believe this story could become a diamond in RRL. Author, slow down. Fix what you've got. Make an actual story here. You have the foundation for a fantastic novel.

With everything you've posted, all you'd need to do is stop making new chapters and go back over what you've done. Flesh out the characters, make the dialog more realistic and "human". There's more depth to a person than "want to do this?" and "sure bro".

 

 

EDIT: I fixed up my grammar and the awkward wordings I wrote in my review. I am also changing my scoring from 3 to .5 for the simple fact that the Author has shown that he doesn't want to fix what he already has. He took everything below chapter 56 and put it up on Amazon.

My original rating of 3 out of 5 was for the small, but growing story that had many issues, but could ultimately be improved. It was a RRL novel, so I rated it with other RRL novels in mind. The Author has revoked that rating by removing the original chapters and uploading them to Amazon without bothering to fix any of its glaring issues (a simple grammar fix won't make every other issue go away).

Because 'Volume 1' has been uploaded to Amazon, I need to rate this story with other stories on Amazon. This is why I've changed it to .5 out of 5. Its quality has no business on Amazon, it could after some massive rewrites, but we all know that isn't going to happen. 

yoYo
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Another failed infinity, big suprise

For those who don't know, infinity genre is basically anything with a mix of fantasies and sci-fi + RPG system. It is famous for showing a lot of promise and excitement, but failing utterly with bad writting.

In this case, the author is very novice, there is almost 0 background story, it's just 2 teens living together for some reason and nothing about their parents. There is almost no realism, everything IRL is ignored for grinding this new RPG system that magically appeared. It is incredibly shallow and lacking any real dialogues. Besides that, the point which made drop this already at ~9th chapter is that those 2 MC's found another user in their teritory so they went to check on him, first buying 2 black masks each for 10 points(armor and warhammer cost 1 though), then they found his room, knocked and when he didn't open without any conversation, busted it and tackled him at which point he said whaaat I mean no harm, ok so they let him go and took off their masks....yeah. Author said their intelligence stat is above average, yeah...

WitchCraft
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Awesome story, definitely worth your time to read.

Awesome awesome story. I read all the chapters that where out in one sitting (42 of them). I thouroughly enjoyed it and cannot wait for more to be released. The Main Characters are some seriously badass dudes, Ace and Vincent. More details about the story below, in the spoiler.

Quick btw if you don't want to read the spoiler:

It comes down to two things, do you like badassery and awesome as fuck powers? Read it.

 

Spoiler: Spoiler

 

Not_A_Hat
  • Overall Score

The new synopsis is much better. :)

Here's what the story seems to be about so far:

Two friends, Ace and Vincent, get tatoos that give them litRPG/gamer type abilities. They complete challenges and buy stats, and become enemies and allies with other 'players' as the world begins to change. It's kinda 'apocalypse litRPG', with the twist that not everyone is a player, and the abilities are very broad; Qi, vampirism, and magic have shown up so far.

It's fast-paced and fun, but also fairly grindy; they spend a lot of time leveling up, and there isn't a whole lot of plot or drama yet.

The writing is fairly simplistic, but seems to be improving. It is easy to read and I had no trouble following what was happening, so that's a plus.

Check it out if you like litRPG in the real world.

Zed_Oud
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Best(?) apocalypse point/store story.

World-disrupting-game-shop-system done right! Lot’s of worldbuilding. One of the only world-is-invaded-by-monsters story I’ve seen where the story doesn’t start and die in one generic city, but instead encompasses and attempts to include the whole world in the ever-building after effects of this type of story setting.

Good characters and mechanics used consistently.

Bravo.

Azcheron
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I wish I had a Tattoo like this...

Style 4.5 : The style is well done, but not amazing. While almost all parts of the story flow well together and the writing is solid there are occasionally bits of dialogue which feel a little naff and can tug on immersion. Overall its still really good, but some time spent on revision and editing would not be amiss.

Story 5 : I love the story, not much more to say about it as I don't want to give spoilers. It was really nice to see how to scale shifted seamlessly as the story progressed in a natural manner, and the plot overall has been enojoyable so far, keep it up!

Character 4 : This might be one of the weaker parts of the story, while the characters are nice, and they have a good dynamic, they also don't feel very deep. And thats just talking about the main two, if its not them then they might as well be cardboard cutouts, even Alice, who is quite close to the main guys, doesn't have much behined her and overall some extra character development would be very nice.

Grammar 5 : If there have been any mistakes then I've simply not noticed them, 5/5 for this I guess.

 

Overall 5 : While the characters are a little weak, the innovative system, great story, and world building pull this novel into the realm of 5/5, afterall this IS RRL we're talking about so I can't be too harsh :P overall, its really enjoyable to read and just a lot of fun.

quiksilver201
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On chapter 27, looking forward to much more. 

Two friends building a safe haven for humanity. They have good morals with a nice dark twist of rapist skull crushing. This has been very satisfying to read as they make all the decisions most of us wish we could make.

Really looking forward to more

Enhoz
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It's honestly not that bad,there will always be people complaining on the choices that the characters took,but i think they are somewhat right.

I did not expect this grammar nor the quality.Keep up the good work i love it

Parsia
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The potential of a book I would pay 50$

Read it all in one go and honestly one of the better novels on this sight, I was so immersed in the story that when I all of a sudden was at chapter 48 and there were no more chapters to be read felt panic haha, really great flow to the story, nice blend between ace and Vincent. Even though I’m loving Vincent the most due to relating to him. I feel as Ace and Vincent let all readers see themselves as them as we seek in all novels. If your the righteous, brave and kind reader Ace is your guy! But if you like me love and relate to Vincent’s cold dance with death, quick with and calculating mind then you’ve found your man! Some aspects can be improved upon but what many forget is that chapters posted on this site should be viewed as drafts where we are the guinea pigs to give feedback and help the authors improve to eventually publish. Good work! Can’t wait till you post the next chapter (real evil cliffhanger btw not cool) really good grammar as well, the reason for it being here is how good it was! Read it as naturally as breathing no hiccups or awkward style. Just pure enjoyment and really lets you enjoy and focus on the story with no hinders or cringe worthy phrasing’s 

 

you should start posting early chapters on Patreon, would pledge for that