Original ONGOING Action Adventure Sci-fi
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

Wynne might have been human once. It's hard to say.

Now he's a bunker core, a nanomachine controller responsible for an entire complex.

Of course, the place is a bit wrecked. And the world outside is ruins. And he's pretty sure that whoever put him here is going to come looking for him at some point...

Dungeon Core, Post-apocalyptic style. Come for the mutants, stay for the dystopian adventure!

Claimer: My name is Andrew Seiple. I write this story, and I own the rights to it. It is posted on Spacebattles.com and Sufficientvelocity.com, as well as royalroadl.com

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  • Followers :
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  • Ratings :
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  • Pages :
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Andrew Seiple

Andrew Seiple

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Royal Bloodline
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Melcontent
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If you like the Laboratory

Got hooked in on it. This is a dungeon core story mixed with fallout. The novel is still in the early stages but so far I like what I am reading.

j03man
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A fun engaging story with great characterization and flawless grammar and spelling, much like the author's previous works.

Let's hope this story doesn't sell you on a fun and engaging premise before devoloving into an increasingly depressing downward spiral of betrayals, horrific acts, and tragic characters without anywhere near enough triumph and cuteness to justify the emotional trauma it inflicts on its readers...

Soapbox: I'm still gun-shy from how much Threadbare jerked me around after selling me on such a cute uplifting premise. I have no problem with Grimdark novels per se but the misery needs to justify itself with gleeful amorality a la Everybody Loves Large Chests or with rewarding insights and concepts.

If you're deconstructing morality and subverting the hero's journey there needs to be some pay off. The more invested I was in Threadbare's world and characters the more the story hurt me and it only ever got worse. Here's hoping this time's different.

Hyperion915
  • Overall Score

tl;dr its professional level writing, read it and see for yourself

the story is intriguing and the plot engaging, the characters lifelike and interesting, the grammar fucking impeccable, really theres nothing to hate about this story. A nice break from the constant stream of garbage that stems from this site, and most others as well im guessing. well worth a read, theres only a few chapters out at the moment so just try it out, you have nothing to lose and a great story waiting to be read if you continue.

 

side note, teitoku's review is bullshit. normally i wouldnt mention other reviews specifically, but since there are so few reviews written i dont want some preteen dumbass to hurt the views this story is getting. first of all, i have no clue at all what was supposed to be confusing after chapter ten, literally nothing stood out as confusing in the slightest. its fairly easy to follow whats happening in that section of the story, so im left wondering what the fuck he was complaining about. second, for those of you who dont know, reading someone's mind is a whole lot different from sifting through their memories to find shit out, not to mention wynne doesnt even have any memories for argus to read. one involves passively collecting information distributed across whatever channels exist between the two, and the other is an active attack similar to hacking which the thing clearly couldnt do anyways. of course argus doesnt understand the humour, he literally never encountered it before. last of all, if not having those stupid blue tables is enough to lower a star rating on a story for any large amount of people, then theres literally no hope for this website. stupid shit like that doesnt affect the story, it doesnt even affect the worldbuilding. i dont want to be mean, but at the same time im incredibly annoyed with the standards of certain people on this website. literal garbage gets 5 star reviews here, but this story somehow gets those bullshit low ratings.

 

note to author: i hope you end up publishing this at some point, im short on money now but id love to purchase a copy whenever its available

puppetgoestututut
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Another promising start from a great author

while simmilar to a series by skylar grant lost demiurge makes the story his own and i personally cant wait to read more as this world he builds develops

genetixsparkz
  • Overall Score

Excellent, some suggestions

Overall really enjoy the pacing. I am reminded of "the laboratory a futuristic dungeon core" but that's a good thing cause that book is great too.

 

 You've done a great job implementing the dungeon pixie in a doesn't appear out of nowhere way. Also of implementing the "knows nothing, born fullly aware and ignorant" aspect again in a way that's unique and makes sense.

Some things I'd suggest.

 

1. Litrpg done well often takes the arbitrary rules of video games that often only exist for balance and drama and such and internalizes them and makes them make sense in the world the book exists in. You kind of did this for example addressing the lock my core away bit with the coding about always having maint access. However I think it'd be good if later the currently arbitary rules about building and sizes of such etc could be explained away as not simply something put in for zero reason. Some things like needing processing power to control things makes sense, but things like you can claim 15 feet for free but 16 feet costs. This should be explained, since you said 15. 2 to the power 4 is 16 and computers count in base 2 and with exponential growth things can get very big very fast, saying each bandwidth is like 16 bytes of data and each square foot is 1 byte worth for some reason etc. You can make this make more sense.

2. I think you should have picked corruption from something other than fumes. Let one of them actually physically damage him a bit and corrupt him that way or let him get a virus/infected and fight it off by the mutant stuff or even by his ally who initially rebels against him rebelling. I found the hard drives of super computers damaged by brief exposure to smoke from old toxins and unrecoverable or at least easily a bit wtf. Like they can basically pull materials from the air but cant' just run his little bots over his hard drive, which seems odd that it'd be damaged to begin with. 

Tel
  • Overall Score

There is a cult classic tower defence game called Defense Grid....I mention it because this book reads like that game plays and I can't think of higher praise than that.

Good classic scifi end of the world stuff with just enough of a hard scifi litrpg take to game it a bit.

 

UnrelatedNonInnocentBystander
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It’s a really good story. I’m writing this as of chapter 24. Very enjoyable, well thought out. It’s of course from the same profile that brought us Threadbare and as such I had high expectations. 

It’s a really good read, very different to threadbare as well. It is of course still in the early stages. 

What’s good about it:

Well thought out. Complex plot. Realistic characters. Not an overpowered MC. An interesting twist on a dungeon core story.

What’s bad:

The very occasional grammatical error. Lack of a schedule. Length of time between posts.

i understand the difficulties of writing. Tried/Trying to write something of my own and it was VERY difficult. But I think it would really help the story if it was:

A: Finished. As in only released when finished.

B: Released on a set schedule so people know not to keep checking back every day after a week (yes, that IS an indicator of how good the story is).

If we get a schedule or the release rate picks up I would definitely rate this 5 stars and change my review, everything else about it is literally great. I would...AM recommending this story to anyone who sees this review. It’s a great story, and that’s so rare on this site.