The Abstract

by Melcontent

Original COMPLETED Comedy Fantasy Sci-fi Multiple Lead Characters
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

Run by the mysterious, Frank, there is a tavern which seeming pops up where it is least expected or wanted. Be it battlefields, old mines, or prison cells.

Her memories of the past year gone, Cyme is now faced with a bar tab as long as her arm. Forced to pay back her bill she travels with Frank to the city of Thebes.

On the suface this city is the heart of a thiving civilization. Anything and any one can be bought in its market place, it has the largest library in the known world, and for the right amount of coin your every desire can be filled. But underneath this facade a world of thieves and corruption awaits.

Can Cyme pay of her bill before her employer or the city kills her?

 

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  • Pages :
  • 272
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Melcontent

Melcontent

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Sav
  • Overall Score

Great story with unique premise

Most people just look at the title and cover, despite the saying to never judge a book by its cover, and may be inclined to just pass over this fic. But quite appropriately, this fic is like abstract art. At first glance it is quite different from the norm, but going into it, it hits you with a unique style and plot. Quite a few fics are going for the striped and true trope of dungeon fics and isekai stories, and while they are also a very good read, sometimes you just want something different. This fic gives you that. It’s very unique in its own way but doesn’t fall into the trap of being so out there that it just isn’t believable by even the most imaginative person. And to top it all off, there are little to no glaring grammar errors that interrupt the flow of reading. All in all, a very good read.

LightningShadow7
  • Overall Score

Damn fucking good. No more words needed. The damn 50 characters requirement is now forcing me to write more than I would've

YesorNo
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A lot of untapped potential

The first six chapters are really well written. The story flows and one event leads to another in a logical sequence. Your descriptions are nice too.

But chap 7 onwards, things go downhill. I believe the main problem lies with your characters. Unlike Death Parade, which I believe is an exemplary work in this genre, Tila and Cyme have already finished their stories before coming on board the Abstract. This turns them into blank slates to be molded by future circumstances.

Thus, until they face a few conflicts and experience character growth, they are just there as a placeholder to provide readers cues on when to be amazed at all the magic going on.

Thus, the tension flags seriously and you lose readers. I would suggest that you let Tila keep her memories and sell herself into servitude with the amnesia potion as her wage. Then you could have a whole lot of drama from her working on her trauma.

You already have a blank character in Cyme. Why have two?

And this is more logical from an economic standpoint. You make the bartender seem like a dunce. For a dimension travelling merchant, he does seem to get the bad end of the deal too often.

Either make him a philanthropist or a money grubber. Don't waffle. He fixes up the warriors upfront even though he should be astute enough to know that they cant pay him back. What about the other slaves? How do they pay? Maybe you could make it so that he is bound by some law of the universe where he can only unleash his power after a contract is broken. So, he found their matriarchal society amusing or something and fixed them knowing that their leader would repudiate a debt and he could enslave the entire country.

Where is his wisdom? Why does he act like a petulant child upon getting swindled instead of trying to properly recoup his losses.

P.S. as for the grammar... I read a lot of MTL so I've developed the superpower known as [Autocorrect] and it didn't really bother me until I read the comments and reread your fic with a more aware mentality.

Yeah... its a mess. You don't need a pro for this stuff. Just have your friends read it and whenever they glitch rewrite your sentence until they stop.

 

Roryedd
  • Overall Score

Fast paced fantasy anachronism

I’ve only read to chapter five, but the story has a strong hook. A slave girl is rescued by an inter-dimensional barkeep, who uses his magic to rescue her fellow slave girls. He speaks and feels much more contemporary than the fantasy setting it takes place in, which starts out a little jarring, but then grows on you with the character.

 

There’s some world building, and a lot of names to keep up with early on. It feels like an expansive world, and has room to grow.

 

The story is in need of a few more rounds of editing. And it moves quickly, sometimes dizzying as the scenes jump from place to place, especially with the inter-dimensional tavern. The author also tells more than shows, and I’d prefer moments draw out a little longer so I can get my bearings.