Original HIATUS Action Adventure Comedy Fantasy Grimdark LitRPG Magic Strategy
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

After a couple of mysterious happenings on earth, Peter suddenly gets teleported into a weird forest filled with danger. Meanwhile Timothy, the creator of a new world, slowly grows mad.

Writer here:
I wrote a couple of chapters for a project of mine, just posting here for critique. Hate it, love it? Please leave a comment or review.
The first few chapters can be pretty peculiar, however please bear with it.

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Author
Roderick Pendragon

Roderick Pendragon

Fortune Seeker

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TeriyakiChickin
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This review is written as of completing chapter 10.

Story:

The story has an interesting and original start, but quickly devolves into your typical litrpg, aka more system interraction than story line. Despite the quests being created from the MC’s needs, it feels as if the system is driving the plot. 

Style:

The style is on point. Not much else to say.

Grammar:

No grammatical errors as far as I can see, but sentence structure is a bit repetitive, making reading it a bit annoying.

Character:

Characters are unappealing. That may just be me, however (there is quite a bit of development).

Overall, a decent read. Much better than most because the author clearly has talent for writing.

Wilberforce
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  • Style Score
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  • Character Score

Style 

The style is good and easy to read. I take a star out because of  the following :

•Some of the chapters have different pov but there is no indication to differentiate, which makes it a bit confused. For example when you changed from Timothy's to the old man's in the first chapter. 

•Also there is no indication to show a break in the time flow which is really confusing, at least to me. For instance when he lost consciousness and was captured by the goblins. You just started a conversation between him and Raul in the next paragraph. At least a header or a simple dash in between would have been helpful. 

Story

The story is a good start but it lacks enough plot twist to hook the readers and at least differentiate itself. Though a part of the system is a bit common, it's still an enjoyable read. 

Grammar 

No problem here. Some few errors here and there but nothing to disrupt the reader. 

Character 

The characters are still developing and it's very early to say how far they would go. But though they feel real they lack some qualities. For example their reactions to the world transportation thing, they should be affected much more than that. I mean it isn't as if they don't like their previous lives on earth. 

NB: Anyways, I think it's a good story and you should continue and make it great. Even if it's just one short chapter a week. Thanks for the chapters