The boy is currently in the bathroom of Rolfe Primero’s manor, trying and failing miserably to have a bath. Earlier that evening, he had woken up and found himself lying on a couch in an unfamiliar living room. After several futile attempts to escape (the diligent sixth year student would always catch him, beat him into submission and dragged him back to the manor), the boy decides to just grit his teeth and bear with it for now.
I’m going to get a restraining order against Rolfe Primero from Headmaster Joss first thing tomorrow morning, the boy fumes.
There are two reasons why the boy is having a hard time in his attempts to have a bath. Firstly, he can hardly move both his arms. His right arm is currently in a sling, broken. Repairing it would take some, even with his increased healing factor. And his left arm is in no better shape itself, all black and blue and swollen in some places due to his fight with Rolfe Primero that afternoon.
The second reason why the boy is having trouble washing up is because he is at a loss of what to do. Rolfe Primero’s bathroom is a bit more peculiar than what the boy is usually used to. For the boy, cleaning himself generally involves a pitcher of water and a basin to wash his face in. Maybe use a wet cloth to wipe down his body is he feels the need for it.
During his student days in the Whiteford Academy, washing up means going to the communal bathroom and taking a shower in the many stalls provided there. Cold water would flow through the ancient rusty pipes, brought out by gravity, and fall on the boy’s head, washing away the fatigue and exhaustion from Master Wes’ harsh training. He heard the elite students have it better, hot running water is available to them at all times, even during winter. And for the elites among the elites, access to their own private bathroom.
Using his limited omniscient, the boy knows that even the grandest of the elite student’s private bathroom would be blown out of the water when compared with the one he’s currently in. Spacious to the point absurdity, it can fit ten people easily here. Come on, the boy screams silently. She lives alone here for gods’ sake. What a waste.
Expensive white marble tiles covering the floors and all the way up to the four walls. Two huge mirrors that hangs to the left and right of him. Mirrors are rare and expensive, even the most well to do household could only afford a small one. The ones that are currently bouncing his reflection from both side of his face wouldn’t look out of place in the ballroom of some extravagant castle. There, the mirrors would undoubtedly be used by some rich and powerful assholes to check themselves out, fawning and falling in love with their own reflections.
And here it’s used to check out my back, see if I missed a spot while I was washing it, the boy smiles wryly. He gazes to the front of him. There lies a bathtub big enough to be called a small pool, filled to the brim with warm water. The boy who is sitting on a stool in the middle of the bathroom could feel the mild heat rising from it.
Interesting… the boy thinks. He could sense no giant stove burning with firewood or coals nearby to warm the waters.
Whatever it is, I can’t identify it. The same could be said for the light source that is coming from above him. Night-time in the Grandiel Continent usually means total darkness, pierce by the occasional limited light source that seems it could be snuffed out at any moment.
Poor people would use candles or sit by the fireplace if they have some work they can’t put off until the morning. Rich people houses and taverns depend on torches and roaring fires in hearths to keep the darkness at bay. For powerful kings and the extremely wealthy who wants to show off their power and wealth, there’s always the option of mana crystals or magic to provide an alternative light source. Needless to say, mana crystals are very expensive and rare and magicians are few and far between.
But the light source that is coming from above the boy’s head is none of those. The inner-working behind it is deceptively simple. And still the boy couldn’t figure it out. His limited omniscient keeps coming up with failed searches, a bunch of Unknown messages would appear as if to taunt his inability to wield his gift properly.
Looks like I have to nicely ask Rolfe Primero to explain it to me in terms I could understand, the boy thinks. And that’s only if she’s in the mood and feeling generous.
The boy shudders when his thoughts return to his host. Before the boy entered the bathroom earlier, Rolfe Primero had insisted in helping him take of his own clothes, citing the arm in sling would hinder his undressing. After much refusal and threats of screaming from the boy, the entity left while grumbling under her breath.
The boy managed to remove his dirty and torn long sleeved shirt and trousers with much difficulty, puts them in an empty laundry basket, wraps his lower half with a white towel, and opens the sliding door to the bathroom, only to be greeted by the magnificent sight which laid before him.
Stunned by the beauty and complexity of the bathroom which he had not expected, the boy could only take a nearby stool and and began sitting right in the middle of the spacious bathroom, trying to rearrange his thoughts. So much has happened in these past two days, but the boy feels as if several months has passed instead.
The boy shudders again, even though the temperature in the bathroom is quite warm. He had survived the encounter with Rolf Primero, barely… and now the entity has set her sight on him. The boy couldn’t tell if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. For now, Rolfe Primero had promised to get out of his way and not interfere with his attempts of trying to save the world.
The only thing the entity asked in return is for the boy to fight her twice a month (or once a month if he’s too busy). Not that heavy of a price to pay, the boy thinks, but he knows he going to be sore the morning after the fight, as well as several days afterwards. Rolfe Primero could be a little rough when she's playing with a newly acquired toy.
But something else is troubling the boy more than Rolfe Primero. It was something the entity had said earlier that afternoon. It’s about how the little girl could be extremely jealous and be more possessive of the boy if she took a liking on him. That definitely would put a damper on his plans to reunite with his wife after this is all over.
Maybe I’ll get lucky, save the world, marry the love of my life, be blessed with the same children as before (maybe more), grow old together with my wife and die by each other sides before the little girl finds me, thinks the boy hopefully.
Yeah right, the boy snorts, and pigs will fly and deliver free bacon from the heavens and no one in the Grandiel Continent shall ever know hunger and everyone would live happily ever after.
The boy train of thoughts are brought down to earth when he hears a knock on the sliding door behind him. From the other side comes a deep voice.
“Is everything okay? You’ve been there for a while now?”
“Shit! I’m sorry. I must have dozed off. It’s really comfortable in here.”
“Do you need any help to wash your back?”
“No! I’m good! Just give me a minute, I’ll be right out.”
“I’m coming in.”
The boy turns around on the stool his sitting and suddenly sees something that makes his blood run cold, a terrifying sight more dreadful than a thousand Razors charging at him at the same time.
“WHAT THE FUCK!”
*grins “Say hello to my little friend.”
*look down “He got a real pretty mouth aint he?”
*falls off his stool “NO! STAY BACK!”
“You gonna do some prayin’ for me, boy. And you better pray good.”
*crawls backwards “GODS PLEASE NO!”
“Kin ye squeal like a piggy?”
*back hits the edge of the bathtub " SOMEONE HELP ME!”
“Smile for the little birdy.”
Rolfe Primero takes something from behind her. She puts it up to her eye level and aims at the boy. The entity pushes a button, there is a click and a sudden flash appears and temporarily blinds the boy.
The boy blinks several times until his eyes recover and he could see properly again. Rolf Primero is standing in front of him while tapping her right foot. She is nearly naked except for her underwear and a long white towel that hangs from her neck and down her shoulder, covering her breasts strategically… That and the piece of nightmarish equipment that Rolfe Primero has strapped around her lower region.
The entity seems to be waiting for the device in her hand to spit something out. A whirring sound can be heard and Rolfe Primero tears off a piece of paper that comes out of the device. The entity waves the paper around for a bit before she studies it.
“Looks like the picture came out good.”
“What the actual fuck!”
“Gods, you should have seen your own face. As a matter of fact, you can. Here, look at it.”
“You were fucking with me?!”
“Well don’t sound so disappointed. Would you have preferred if I had fucked you instead?”
“Fuck you! Rapes jokes aren’t funny, asshole!”
“So are menstruation jokes.”
“Paybacks a bitch, ain’t it?”
“Okay, you got me there.”
“You didn’t think I let it go that easily, did you.”
“Yeah, I kind of deserve it.”
“Believe me, I let you off easy by the way. I was sorely tempted to do so much more when I heard how cute your cries were.”
“I don’t think the store carries a card that says ‘Thank you for not raping me last night.’ And what the hell is that thing?”
“This thing? It’s called a strap on.”
“And in case you’re wondering, I didn’t just have one conveniently lying around.”
“That thought actually crossed my mind.”
“I built it in my workshop just now. I thought I used it to sneak up to your bedroom around midnight and scare the shit out of you. But I got tired of waiting.”
“Yeah, I’m so sorry I’ve ruined your plans for the evening.”
“No you aren’t. And did you take a bath yet? You’re as dry as a two dollar hooker.”
“There’s a lot on my mind. And would you mind putting that thing away? You’re going to poke someone’s eye out.”
“Only if you put yours away.”
“In case you haven’t notice, your lower half has been exposed for a while now.”
“Oh shit! Sorry!”
*hastily covers self with towel
“Gee, you weren’t kidding when you said you were well endowed.”
“Don’t tell me you’re suffering from penis envy.”
“Careful there. I can always build a bigger one and I am looking for some volunteers to test it out.”
“Just kidding. Did the goddess really give that to you?”
“Not sure. I never remembered it being this big when I was young.”
“Well if this saving the world stuff doesn’t work out you can always have a career in porn.”
“It’s another thing that unfortunately doesn’t exist in this world.”
“Maybe you should introduce this porn, share it with the whole world.”
*laughs “I can’t believe you can say something with such a straight face.”
“Why? Did I say something funny? Is this porn really that bad?”
“No, in fact you could say that back in several of my previous lives, porn makes the world a better place.”
“I think I would very much like to see this porn then.”
“Fine. I’ll show you some porn later. But first I have to invent a video recorder first.”
“That thing in your hand, what is it?”
“This? It’s called a camera. It’s not the same as a video recorder.”
“Did you build it in your workshop as well?”
“Yup, as well as some other neat stuff. I’ll show you later, but first, let’s get you cleaned up.”
“I- I can bath myself.”
“The fuck you’re getting all shy for? We’re both dudes here.”
“Don’t tell me you’re still afraid of this.”
“Fine. I’ll take it off.”
“Still not enough? Unbelievable. Look, I’ll kick it into the corner far away from you.”
“Godsdamn. I thought you already have a wife and are several millenniums old after your fall in the Time Abyss. Why are you acting like a scared virgin?”
“You can blame it on the trauma you inflicted on me.”
“Pfft. If you think that’s bad, wait until you see two girls one cup.”
“Two girls one cup?“
“It’s a joke that you’ll never going to get because no one in this godsdamn world gets me. Now shut up and put your ass on this stool.”
“M’kay. And what happened to your voice? It’s changed.”
“I’m going to pour some hot water over you. And I’ve stopped using mana to manipulate my vocal chords.”
“How did you get the water so warm? And why did you stop speaking in a man’s voice?”
“Electricity. It puts too much strain on my throat.”
“Elek-trick-city? You sound beautiful by the way.”
“Yeah yeah, I’ll tell you all about this Elek-trick-city later as well. And flattery will get you nowhere.”
“It’s the truth. Muuuu...”
“You’re so cute when you pout. Now close your eyes while I shampoo your hair.”
“No man wants to be called cute-Ah! It burns!”
“I told you to close your eyes properly, you idiot. What are you, eight years old?”
“It stings and it burns.”
“Deal with it. So much for being a man.”
“Now I’m going to pour some more hot water over your head to wash away the shampoo.”
“Okay. The next thing I want you to do is to lay face down on the floor, raise your butt and spread your cheeks for me.”
“I’m just kidding.”
“Godsdamn. You make one rape joke and now everyone so damn sensitive about it.”
“Now sit back on the stool and let me scrub your back.”
“There’s nothing sexual about it. I used to do it all the time for my children back in several of my previous lifetimes.”
*begins to scrub the boy’s back
“You’re making that sad face again. What are you thinking about?”
“I’m thinking about my own children. And also about my wife.”
“Don’t let the past haunts you so much. You’ll go crazy from thinking about it. You can trust me on this.”
“You say it’s my past, but for me it’s my future. And based on what you've said about goddesses, the future seems to be a bit dimmer without them in the picture.”
*leans forward and whispers
“Oooh, all this self pitying is making me so wet down here. How bout we take this party somewhere else? Preferably upstairs.”
*nibbles ear “I can’t wait for our fight next Friday. I hope you’re ready to put your life on the line. Gods, I’m getting hard just thinking about it, which should be impossible for me, because, you know…”
“Tell me how you do it?”
“Tell you what?”
*angrily “Tell me how you can not give a shit about anyone but yourself?”
“Tell me how you could be more excited about fighting me when the fate of the continent hangs in the balance?”
“You wanna know how I do it? You wanna know why I don’t give a shit?”
“Yes, tell me. Teach me your methods.”
“It’s because I have run out of shits to give thousands of lifetimes ago!”
“You think you’re going to have a hard time saving this world even with the gods-given abilities granted to you? Well I’ve prevented the collapse of multiple universes armed with nothing but my bare hands and my wits!”
“You have no idea of what I’ve been through. I’ve gone into dark horrible places alone and afraid. And I’ve did it with no health potions, a run-down armor and a shitty sword that could snap at any moment. Why? Because I used to believe in shit!”
“I have saved the world an infinite number of times. And you know what I got in returned? Zero thanks with a side order of go fuck yourself! And I still went out and did it a few more times.”
“I’ve destroyed three worlds back to back, not accidentally mind you but with full-on malice! And you know what? There was no repercussion or backlash! I walked away scot-free and started my new life happily, hands free of blood.”
“You think your wife is your one true love? Well I found mine, thousands of them, across an infinite number of universes. And I’ve lost them all as well, either to old age, sickness, natural disasters, various enemies, wars or the world’s ending.”
“And I’m still here. I’m reborn, I live, I love, I die. AND I’M STILL HERE!”
“So now I do what I want when I want with zero shits given. And when the end comes, I’ll just wait for the inevitable next restart and do everything the same again, but this time with negative shits given.”
“So does that answer your question? Have you learnt my methods?”
“Well? Say something!”
The boy suddenly stands up. Rolfe Primero half-expected for him to leave the manor and never return again. The diligent sixth year student will not stop the boy or pursue him. The entity is tired, she's just so tired.
Rolfe Primero suddenly feels something hugging her from the front. It’s the boy. The silence continues for some time. The diligent sixth year student shifts her body slightly to accommodate the boy. It’s an awkward hug since the boy could only use his left hand and his right hand is in a sling. But to the entity, it is the warmest hug she has received for the first time in a long long time.
“Thank you.” the boy suddenly whispers into Rolfe Primero’s ear.
“Thanks for what?” the diligent sixth year student feels something warm falling down her own face.
“The goddess has my soul. And my wife has my heart. All I have to offer you are these two hands.”
The boy looks into the entity’s eyes as he continues speaking.
“Whatever is left of me… whatever I am... I’m yours…”
The boy and the entity continue to sit in the stillness of the room for a long time.
END OF DAY 2
Sorry if any of the readers are offended because they feel I've made fun of a potential rape scene. I, mushashi, hereby declare that I do not condone, approve. accept, overlook, allow, or celebrate rape in any form.
Remember, before telling a rape joke, always ask for consent. If you don't get consent, tell the joke anyway and hope they appreciate irony.