High school life in a world where everyone has superpowers

by OldBegginings

Original HIATUS Comedy Drama Tragedy Female Lead Magic School Life Slice of Life Supernatural
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

So, um... how do I explain this simply?

Okay, so...

There's a girl, she's er...

She's in high school, and, um...

She has a superpower that mutes things?

Also she lives?

Yeah, sorry. The concept's too confusing isn't it?

 Warning: The stuff below is technically correct, but this fiction, with my other, is now on the failed pledge list. Shocking how a lack of updates for more than half a year actually meant something...

Sorry for the delay, still not really up to writing for this series as of now (14/03/18 - remember I'm english, so correct) but I'm still trying to get into writing...

Cover is thanks to Zenlith (WriTE's Founding Member).

 

This fiction is signed under the 'The Pledge'... Some internet message in a forum about not dropping or giving a rushed ending in their fiction, otherwise meet the wrath of letting RRL mod Vocaloid have 'fun' with the fiction's description. So mainly for the sake of my fiction due to said wrath, I'll see this fiction through.

 

Updates: up in the air... hopefully the day after this is edited, but we all have dreams.

Warning for mild profanity, but it shouldn't happen too much for the innocent out there so don't take the warning to heart.

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OldBegginings

OldBegginings

Apathy Incarnate.

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Sedactive
  • Overall Score
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Good start less than warm after

One of the reviewers gave this a low score without mentioning anything in the story.

He basically told you to do things better which is bad advice in itself without any examples so it got me interested in reading this story.

So i gave this low scores on 2 points the style and the characters so i will give examples as to why i find these 2 points bad.

Firstly the style i am not talking about the 3rd person 2nd person or freaking 8th person perspectives.

The style i am talking about is basically the atmosphere/vibe the author strys to create.

At first the feeling i got was the cynical and stuborn atmosphere of the character and how she interacts with everyone around her.

Then it suddenly turned into something very similair to some animes were the MC is a punshing bag for everyone in the world duo to weird ass circumstances.

The author wants this to be a slice of life story but it isnt -.- this is a novel with heavy emphasis on drama the cheap kind.

Why this is? for some reason everyone around the MC wants to annoy her looking for trouble without clear reasons they just do that is why i call it cheap.

Its like your just minding your own stuff and baaam suddenly the student council bursts into your classroom and want to fight you 1v1 because your hair is green (basically no reason at all).

This builds up the pressure till the readers cannot handle it anymore and the reason this is similair to certain animes is because in those the MC never does something about it letting the pressure build.

As for the 2nd problem its exactly what lead to the first, the MC was in the first 1-4 chapters a cynical character who didnt care about her classmates having dialogues in her mind.

But then stuff happens and she becomes so weak willed getting harrassed by everyone to enter a tournament for reasons unclear.

The first person to screw her over asked the most idiotic question in history in the most retarded place ever.

Thinking it was a harmless question wich eludes me as to why this is.

As for the power of the MC also something i dont understand people seem to be so stupid they cannot think of the benefits this power has in her world (aka keyword mages MAGES).

Everyone takes on an attitude when it concerns the MC for no reason at all that is why everything adds up none of the characters are realistic nor are they by any means likeable.

This is funny as a slice of life story/novel is all about likeable characters and fun events not some submissive MC and her daily highschool drama life.

If the main point of this novel is to showcase a realistic world aka how life is for espers and mages in a modern fantasy world then u could argue that this is a slice of life story.

Yet there is to much chinese drama of people looking for trouble or showing contempt.

Dochebi
  • Overall Score

I get the feeling that you were inspired by various school and supernatural related mangas and animes in writing this story.

 

 

It's at a slow pace, which is good because of the nature of explaining the various information that you introduced. A High school setting so far haven't a more Japanese styled school setting. The character, Silence, isn't OP just of yet and her ranking isn't high so that growth can be obtain at a reasonable rate. I prefer medium length chapters than a hulking amount of words in a chapter. Also the usage of a different power type than the norm.

 

The reason why i gave a 4 instead of a 3 is because that I can see that this can be more. Also fair ratings of the what can be would increase the chances of the present becoming the future.

logk120
  • Overall Score

Review as of chapter 4, Not really still much happening and i`m quite curious on how she will apply her powers! or power.

I think the author describing what the world is and what is the mc personality at the early chapters.

Anyway, you are better than mine at describing things.

Will update this and do some advance critiques after the author-san release more chapters..

 

PS: Someone rate the author work one star.. I think that someone hates the school stuff or maybe a troll.

Thats unfair man!

Z107288
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Average with a dash of potential

Style: A tossup between good and less than average. Certain areas are unique and compelling, others bland or lacking personality, or awkward in phrasing or presentation. Jarring idea placement and idea progression also detracts a bit, but these should be fixable. The main focus should be adding more character to your style, refining it and adding an extra flair when needed.

 

Story: A solid idea. Sure it may be reminiscent of other stories with a super power premise, but it does establish itself as unique. Would like to see you go further and expand on your world. Build it, flesh it out, and let it add to the idea you have. Also, even though there is the slice of life tag, I'd like to see a little more structure in terms of progression. Goals, over-arching ideas and such. They don't have to be intrusive, but it could help others follow and keep their attention.

 

Grammar:  Needs work. Awkward phrasing and sentence structure was the biggest flaw. Even though to me that is somewhat stylistic in nature, it will come off poorly in terms of reading comprehension as well. Some missing commas here and there, and other issues. 


Character: Good foundation by setting up standout characters like the MC.  They feel different and have personality, but I would like to see more fleshing out. Expand on their likes and dislikes, show how they act and think and don't tell. A lot of potential to add more dimension to your characters and craft them into something great.

 

Overall: Average with a sprinkle of potential. Many of the flaws are workable; they can be fixed, adjusted, and improved for the future. A lot of the strengths have a solid foundation, but significant room for improvement. I did notice less mistakes and better flow as I went through the chapters, which is a good sign. As long as you keep it up, are mindful of what you write and how you write, and take steps to refine and improve your style, this could shape up to be a fine story.

MysteriousGuyWithAMoustache
  • Overall Score

While I do not rate many novels on RR I was quite annoyed when I noticed this only had 0.5 stars and this pushed me to create an account just to recommend this novel.

 

It has a unique writing style, almost pessimistic but somehow turns that into humor and while I would rate this higher than 3.5 stars I can only do this because I have such a high opinion on the character and writing style that I've enjoyed the novel even without any real plot thus-far and that just shows its possibilities in the future to be a popular novel which uses a classic style of 'hero' and turns it into a self-centered and quite down-beat character contrasting with the classic 'Mr. Perfect' and that is why I enjoy this novel so far and rate it so highly considering it is still only laying the foundations for the plot.

Added edit: 

Story has been fleshed out and seems like an average 'slice of life' novel. I enjoy it but it seems like I would not actively read it.

Despite what I said. I don't usually enjoy this type of novel if it's based on school life but, I still enjoy this as an occasional pass-time-           (As I do not actively read these types of novels this is a compliment for the authors ability BUT I'm still not noticing any plot at chapter 12.)          -and I would personally like the author to get more views for this novel as it has potential.

Zero300
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Initially some grammar issues but the clutter clears up after a eight or nine chapters in. I liked the aspect of how the heroes aren't necessary doing more good than bad. For the MC to explain the situation in her head to "some" audience...is a bit weird. I wasn't sure if the story was written in third-person or second-person. This clears up as well in the later chapters. So, in chapter 2, the MC introduced herself as "Silence" and that she likes silence...yet she was blasting music earlier? And that roar-like yawn? It's a bit confusing there. I feel like I'm reading through the perspective of a young girl - all jumbled and chaotic...maybe that's what you were aiming for.

Also, you said this was a school where everyone had superpowers...so I thought something like Boku no Hero Academia...but then there were mages? Unless you're finding inspiration from Toaru Majutsu no Index? Chapter 5 didn't seem much of a tragedy as there was no tragedy involved on any of the characters just some sad bits about the MC's family background. High school is a place of bullies and hate...but Silence isn't really getting it even though her family was considered as "villains". Even with the rant, there should have been some people still snobbish enough to insult her yet everyone chose to ignore her villain status? Sounds too convenient. Overall, the story is okay to read...but not something I would reread when I'm bored.

ascus
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Good, but wait until more chapters are released

 

Looks like there will be no new chapters -.-
Well, I can't say anything about that, since I'm too lazy to write a review.
Just know, it ends (at the moment) without much conflict in it. Basically I read just a diary of an introvert student with a good power in a super high setting.

For the autor: (spoilers)
try to describe(show) more instead of telling. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Show,_don't_tell

Like in Chapter 5: Silence screams her whole backstory. She could have just run away, or maybe screamed the first 2 sentences. And the headmaster scolds Anubis for victim blaming or something like that. And the reader gets the whole story through the dialogue or just later. (Maybe she meets the hero who killed her parents or whatever.)

Also Silence is way to confident when she tries to only use her nickname in chapter 14. How the hell did she get bullied, if she reacts so confident?

Anyhow I liked it so far and I hope you will at least write until after the tournament.